Avoiding Activism Burnout

Recently I had the opportunity to speak as part of the EDRDpro Symposium and one of the attendees asking how we can avoid fatigue when trying to educate around Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size.  In our current fatphobic, thin-obsessed culture it’s super easy to do, so here are some idea to prevent burnout:

1. Create a grounding phrase. We are bombarded with false information about weight and health, and negative beliefs about fat bodies every day. So having a quick phrase that we use to deflect it can be really helpful. My personal phrase is “hey that’s bullshit!” but other folks have told me that they use things like “nope, nope, nope” or “what a load of crap.” I use it every time I see a diet ad, or hear something negative about fat people, or see an “everybody knows” article about weight and health. Pretty soon it becomes reflexive and fairly often the message gets dismissed before I’m even conscious of it.

2. Remember that you are the authority – it’s unfortunate the so many people have fallen victim to false beliefs and stereotypes, and even more unfortunate when they decide to be superior about it, but it doesn’t make them any less wrong.

3. Get support – join in person and online/social media groups that support folks who are practicing HAES and Size Acceptance and participate in them, read Fat Activism and Health at Every Size blogs and participate in the comment section, reach out to other activists when you need some support

4. Make it about options – I get e-mails every day from people who literally didn’t know that they had an option to like their body, or options to pursue health outside of weight loss. My work is about making sure that everyone knows that they have those options. Which leads us to…

5. Don’t take too much responsibility – All we can do is be as educated as we can, and provide people with information to the best of our ability. We can’t take responsibility for what they do with that information, or for the choices they make. If you try to take responsibility for the outcomes you’ll burnout fast. Engaging in activism is it’s own success, not just because of how it can change the world, but because of how it helps us activists to be fighting back.

6. Take breaks – you don’t have to go in for every battle, every bullshit comment on Facebook, every minute of every day.  You can take each day as it comes, respect where you are with your own mental and physical health, energy level, what you need to get out of the situation (for example, if you really need your prescription you might not want to argue with your doctor’s incompetent diatribe about weight loss and that’s ok.) Take time off, and remember that doing so is part of nurturing ourselves as activists.

7. Remember that you do not owe people who are shaming, stigmatizing, bullying, harassing, or oppressing you compassion or education on their terms or in their preferred words or tone, or at all. Their feelings don’t have to be your primary concern, the outcome of this conversation doesn’t have to be your primary concern, whether you will “catch more flies with honey” does not have to be your primary concern. Protecting yourself and doing what you can/want to do today can be your primary concern. Politely and gently asking people if they wouldn’t mind not oppressing you so much is an option, but never a requirement. Telling people to STFU and GTFO is also a valid option that is available to you.

Be vigilant about noticing who is being left behind and left out and use your privilege to remedy that, celebrate the smallest victories and keep pushing, we’ll get there.

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Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

In training for an IRONMAN triathlon.  If you’re interested, you can find my training blog here

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Spatial Awareness

This morning as I was packed onto the train, like a sardine, I began to notice something that has really always been a suspicion of mine. If a body of a person is below the average, their own spatial awareness of how much space their body (plus backpack) takes up is lessened or non-existent. I would love for a full scientific study on the matter to be launched at once, but I’m going by my own 1 year’s worth of observations on my morning train commute.

It all solidified for me today as I found myself contorting and becoming one with the affixed luggage rack on my train car this morning so that others may pass me to get off the train. I looked behind me and saw that the two very slim people beside and behind me didn’t move a single muscle to let people pass them, they literally stood stock still even though they had more room than anyone else due to a seat being remove from that area. I was incensed, of course, because I was physically forcing my body to smash into metal poles just to let people by me.

Seeing these other two assholes (c’mon!) not give a shit really ticked me off, but also just bludgeoned into my head again (and again, ad nauseam, always, infinity) that my body is wrong/not normal/not okay/never accepted/should always make accommodations for others/something to be ashamed of/etc. As though I didn’t already have this message drilled into me with every breath I take or step I make in the fucking world. UGH!

I am constantly battered by bags, backpacks, and bike wheels and almost always have mystery bruises as a result. I mean, first off, folks do not give a flying fuck about anyone when they use public transit to/in SF. Also, most people have no idea how much space they + their bag take up or need to move around or let others pass by. I have had better days, of course, but more often than not I feel as though my larger size somehow makes me more invisible to people out in the world. Is it willful on their part? Who knows?! Sometimes it definitely is, other times probs not.

I think when you’re constantly forced to question if you’ll fit in a seat/chair/etc you become more aware of the space your body takes up. I know my body’s exact measurements, but my slim or average sized friends do not. I know how to put on and take off my backpack on the train in such a way as to not disturb anyone else. I also had a deep fear instilled in me from birth about disturbing others, so there’s that. Ha-ha!

Twice this week I did something new on the packed morning train (they just changed the schedule, it wasn’t so bad before). First, when someone thought they had moved out of the way so I could pass by, but their bag blocked the way as much as their body did, I said aloud, “Yeah, I can’t get by.” and waited for them to move. They did. Second, when there was a free seat in a four seater (they face each other) I asked the very young and slim guy if he wouldn’t mind moving to the one by the window, (so that I could be more comfortable on the aisle where I wouldn’t be smashed) and he did without a word. Not gonna lie, I felt a tiny glimmer of full on spinster pride with that one. “Outta my way, Sonny!” Ha-ha!

It’s been tough lately, due to the new train schedule. I’ve had to stand for the entire ride, which doesn’t sound so bad when it’s the express (35-45 mins), but I have a knee that locks up something awful and then I limp the rest of the day. I’m also claustrophobic and being packed in with so many others on hot mornings like we’ve got this week has been such a test of my metal, lemme tell ya! Whew! I have to think about any and everything else in order to not panic and freak out. When I have a seat I’m usually okay. City folks will elbow you outta their way, though. And the Bikes!!! UGH! Mostly I get hit with those as they are boarding or coming off the train and being carried by their riders.

This is the first job I’ve had where I didn’t commute in my car. My car was always my security blanket! Even when I had horrendously long commutes, I always just went with the flow. But the train has forced me to work on my morning time management (I suck the worst at this) and prioritizing what is necessary to bring with me as well as reading sooo many books on my old-ass kindle! Taking the train has been tough, but honestly it’s also a sanity saver. I’d rather be reading on the train for an hour than sitting in traffic. Plus we have a pre-tax commuter benefit thing at work, so that helps.

Do I have a point?! I guess not. Just, I dunno, feeling like people just aren’t very self away especially when it comes to how much space they take up. It almost seems to me at times that smaller folks take up twice the space that a larger person ever would. Again, more to do with how the world treats us and makes us feel like we MUST contort our entire lives to fit into a world that shuns and hates us. UGH! NOPE! Not gonna! Maybe next time I will turn around and just tell those fuckers to move the hell outta the way! *shrugs*

Thanks for reading this pointless post. Ha-ha! I want to write about more stuff, so please hit me up with some suggestions.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

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Fatshion: We All Grow Summit 2017

This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Hi friends! I know it’s been a MINUTE since I posted but I wanted to share these...

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Pink’s IG Picture is Not Body Positive

Recently singer/songwriter Pink was widely praised for positing a picture to Instagram that many people and publications have been calling “body positive” :

The picture is Pink in the gym, posing for a full body selfie in black and pink workout clothes including leggings, a tank top, sneakers and a cap, and the caption reads:

“Would you believe I’m 160 pounds and 5’3”? By ‘regular standards’ that makes me obese. I know I’m not at my goal or anywhere near it after Baby 2 but dammit I don’t feel obese. The only thing I’m feeling is myself. Stay off that scale ladies!  #feelingmyself #strongismygoal #bodygoals @msjeanettejenkins#happysaturday #getitin #GIJaneismyWCW

While she’s certainly had some missteps I’ve been a fan of Pink, her music, and her message for a while. I think she’s done some very cool things in terms of body image. But as a woman who actually is “obese” or, as I prefer to call it, fat as hell, I’m here to say that this is not one of them.  I don’t think that she intentionally set out to fat shame, but that’s what she did.

Not for nothing, but her math is wrong.  At 5’3 and 160 pounds she is in the “overweight” and not the “obese” BMI category. Of course, BMI is complete bullshit so that’s the least of the problems with this. The main issue is that what Pink is doing (and, unfortunately, being praised for) is trying to perform “body positivity” by fat bashing.

In terms of things that people say that add to the widespread marginalization and oppression of fat people, “Dammit I don’t feel obese” is right up there with:

• It’s ok to be fat, as long as you’re healthy
• At some point you’re just too fat
• I’m ok with people being fat, as long as they take care of themselves
• I now weigh x pounds and I NEVER want to be over y pounds again
• I’m so depressed because I registered for a triathlon and I qualify for the Clydesdale/Athena group
• I’m chunky but I’m not like [insert weight that this person thinks is “a lot.”]

Nobody is obligated to love their body, but everyone should have the option, without any kind of hoops to jump through.  There are no health, behavior, ability, or size requirement for loving/appreciating/respecting our bodies. There is also no such thing as “feeling obese.” It doesn’t make any more sense to say that I “feel fat” than to say that I “feel brunette.” They aren’t states of mind, they are simply things that I am.  In suggesting that one can “feel obese” – in the context of it being a bad thing – Pink is stereotyping fat people and setting up being fat as the opposite of feeling good about ourselves which, in a fatphobic culture such as this, too often becomes a prophecy fulfilled by oppression.

I absolutely agree with her about staying off the scale, but the idea that we should stay off the scale lest we find out that we are “obese” is clearly fat-shaming, and not even in same zip code as “body positive.”  Finally, any use of the terms “obese” and any “overweight” offensively pathologizes bodies of a certain height/weight ratio.  I prefer to reclaim the term fat. I’m fat, I’m not “over-weight,” just like I’m short, I’m not “under-tall.” If fat doesn’t suit you, there are plenty of other neutral terms to use: people of size, larger bodied, heavier people etc.

While Pink is, sadly, allowed to say these things, she is not allowed to call it Body Positivity, nor should anyone else.  Body Positivity is not about feeling good about our body by suggesting that it’s better than other bodies, or by throwing other bodies under the bus. Body Positivity is not about engaging in stereotyping or pathologizing bodies of a certain size. Body Positivity does not come with exceptions or size limitations.

Body Positivity grew from the Fat Activism movement, and while I understand why people of all sizes would want to engage in a culture that affirms and respects their bodies, that doesn’t make it ok to co-opt a movement and then exclude, even oppress, those who founded it. Body Positivity must center and champion the bodies that are the most marginalized in society, otherwise it becomes just another tool of oppression. Unfortunately, in addition to its tendency to exclude fat people, Body Positivity has inherited many of the issues that Fat Activism had and still has including not doing nearly enough to combat white supremacy and ableism, and that must be addressed and fixed by both movements.

Being Body Positive isn’t just how you feel about your body, it’s about how you feel about all bodies – and how you express that.  It’s about creating a world that respects and affirms people of all sizes – and in particular those whose bodies are the most oppressed in our current culture.

While people are allowed to do whatever they want with their bodies, Body Positivity requires sacrifice when it comes to how we talk about it. We can’t be Body Positive and still participate in diet and anti-fat language and culture, even though participating confers privilege and opting out invites ridicule. That means that if our body size changes – regardless of the reason – we talk about that in terms that do not disparage other bodies, including bodies that are the size (or larger than the size) we are/were.  It requires that we think about how we talk about our personal choices, and whether what we are saying oppresses or marginalizes other bodies, and we make choices accordingly.

Body Positivity requires that when people tell us that our “body positivity” is hurting them, we listen, care, and make changes, rather than acting like we know more about their oppression than they do, or that our personal body positivity is worth creating body negativity for others.

Body Positivity is not a free-for-all where we find a way to love our body regardless of the consequences to others. It’s a movement that demands that we create a world where everyone has the opportunity to love their body. It’s learning about and avoiding ableist, sizeist, healthist, racist, classist, transphobic and queerphobic language and acting, speaking, and writing accordingly.  If you’re not here for the most marginalized bodies, then you’re not here at all.

Get the tools to practice intersectional Body Positivity – Register for the Fat Activism Conference
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If you enjoy this blog, consider becoming a member or making a contribution.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

In training for an IRONMAN triathlon.  If you’re interested, you can find my training blog here

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

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Weight Loss – The Credit Thief

In our weight-obsessed culture there is a tendency to tell fat people that we should blame our body size for everything that is wrong in our lives, and that the only way to succeed is to lose weight. This is a damaging lie, and today I wanted to look at three ways that it plays out.

This is a re-work of a past post in response to a number of conversations I’ve been having lately.

Health Improvements

Let’s say that someone adds some behaviors that are known to perhaps support health to their life, they experience some health improvements, and they lose weight.

The story we get is the weight loss leads to greater health, but back it up a minute.

Why do we rule out behavior changes as the reason for health improvements? It seems much more likely that the health improvements and the body size change are both results of the behavior change. Especially since there is good research that shows that behavior changes often lead to health improvements regardless of body size, or change in body size. On the flip side, research shows that weight loss without behavior change (for example liposuction) does not show health improvements.

Athletic and Mobility Improvements

Someone starts a program to increase strength, stamina flexibility, and/or mobility. They increase strength, stamina, flexibility, and/or mobility, and their body weight goes down.

The story we get told is that weight loss is responsible for these results. But thin people begin programs like this all the time, and everyone is clear that it’s the program that causes their athletic and mobility improvements. But in a fat person we’re told that it’s the change in body weight? Not to mention that there are definitely limitations on what our bodies can do and so the idea that we are completely in control of these things/ obligated to control them quickly becomes ableist and healthist.

Confidence

Someone’s body weight changes and they become more confident.

The story we get told is that weight loss increases confidence with no examination of the fact that a society rife with sizeism is what prevented the person from being confident in the first place.  There is no reason for someone not to be confident at a higher weight -and even living in a society that gives us near constant negative messages about our bodies, there are still plenty of confident fat people.

On the surface there is a frustrating lack of logic here, but this problem goes way deeper than that.  The truth is that all of the incidents of weight loss that I described above are likely to be temporary.  The truth about weight loss is that most people can lose some weight for a short amount of time, but almost everyone gains it back and many gain back more than they lost. The constant lie that fat people are told is that our fat is to blame for anything and everything we’re not happy about in our lives, and that the “solution” to all of that is weight loss.

These lies convince fat people to put our goals and lives on hold and put all of our eggs in the weight loss basket, despite a mountain of evidence that suggests it will never happen, and a complete lack of evidence that it will actually help us achieve any of our goals. It means that when fat people give up on weight loss (wisely, since it almost never works) many of us also give up on all the goals that lies told us required weight loss to achieve.

It’s important to remember that health, athletic ability, confidence and all of the other things that supposedly come with weight loss are never obligations, barometers of worthiness, or entirely within our control, and we might do well to think twice before we buy the party line that they are body size dependent – because when weight loss gets the credit, nobody gets the truth.

Tired of diet culture?  Get tools to fight back  – register for the Fat Activism Conference
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If you enjoy this blog, consider becoming a member or making a contribution.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

In training for an IRONMAN triathlon.  If you’re interested, you can find my training blog here

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

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People Get to Do Things They Might Regret

The Guardian is apparently a font of anti-trans articles and articles that can be used that way, between the mom insisting that her kid is a tomboy and is not trans (despite a previous article where the kid states that he’s a boy), the really harsh letter to a trans ex, and this article detailing the experience of a woman who started a transition to male and regretted it. The article in and of itself wasn’t anti-trans, but it was thrown at me as a supposed example of “children being sterilized because they’re confused about their gender.” (It’s not—she was 18 when she had surgery and while testosterone can affect fertility, she still has a chance to get pregnant.)

Before sharing my take on this article, I want to give some background from actual trans organizations on the subject of detransition and amplify the voices of trans people who have been there*:
http://ift.tt/2oAHfEk – An explanation from Trans Advocate about reasons people detransition, as well as statistics
http://ift.tt/2ojIfAP – The author of Transgender Explained for Those Who Are Not, a trans woman, writes about why people regret sex-reassignment surgery
http://ift.tt/2inaM5B – An interview with two trans women who were widely reported as detransitioning. (One had only paused; the other had decided to detransition due to social pressures but changed her mind again.)

As far as the author’s experience itself, she was dealt a really crappy hand, and I have an awful lot of sympathy. She transitioned very quickly after being suicidal as a teenager. She had no counseling at all and started hormones and had chest surgery at the age of 18. Her chest surgery was botched, leaving her with major scarring. So, that’s two huge instances of extremely poor medical treatment. The usual standard of care involves not only counseling, but a whole year of Real-Life Experience (RLE) living openly as their gender prior to any surgery. (Some doctors even require it before hormones.)

She’s also completely right that oppressive sexism makes women and girls feel broken when it’s society, not us, that has something wrong with it. And it’s much easier to try to change yourself than to fight against the forces of society that try to force you into compliance.

I think hers is a story that’s worth telling, because it underscores the importance of good counselling before making a life-altering medical decision, as well as the damaging effects of misogyny. Also, it’s a true story, and everybody deserves to have their experience heard and respected.

But. (There’s always a but.) The way I’ve seen it used is really harmful. This author’s experience is *not* the norm for trans people who undergo surgical transition. There’s usually tons of counseling and a requirement that the person live as their gender prior to surgery. If you want to use this article to say, “Some counseling should exist,” great, most trans people would agree with you. But if you want to use it to expand gatekeeping that already makes trans people’s life more difficult, or to argue that we shouldn’t acknowledge people’s gender when they tell us they’re trans, then not so much.

The idea that adult people need to be protected, at all costs, from doing anything they might regret is pretty infantilizing. People particularly freak out about sterilization, whether directly through surgery or indirectly in the cases where hormones make someone infertile. (They also tend to assume that the second is an automatic guarantee, which it is not.) And yet, a lot of those people, certainly the ones who consider themselves feminists, wouldn’t question a cis woman’s right to have her tubes tied if she doesn’t want children or doesn’t want more children. To expect a trans person to undergo more strenuous gatekeeping than a cis woman for a similar choice indicates that you don’t view them as adults who can make their own decisions. (That’s not to diminish the amount of gatekeeping women who want permanent sterilization *do* face, especially if they haven’t had kids at all.)

Everyone will make dozens of choices in their lives that they might regret. Medical ones tend to have the most gatekeeping, with consent forms and counseling, but everything from your choice of a college major to your choice of a spouse can change your life. And that’s just the decisions that you know are life-altering at the time. It’s pretty obvious when you’re standing up in church or the courthouse to say “I do” that this is a life-altering moment, but asking that person for their number or sitting down next to them in chem lab probably didn’t seem like a turning point. It’s hard to imagine a life where you can never make a choice you regret. Your choices would have to be so constrained by other people as to be completely meaningless.

There’s no way to stop people from making decisions they may later regret, nor should we try. The best we can do is make sure they have good options available to them and have the time and information to make the choice that’s right for them. It may turn out that what they thought was right for them at the time wasn’t, but they’re still the only person who can make that choice.

With kids, of course the ideal is that they never have to face major decisions they aren’t ready for, because they have loving parents and a network of school and community to shield them from that. Reality, of course, is not that simple. A pregnant fourteen-year-old can either give birth or have an abortion. If she gives birth, she can raise the baby herself or put them up for adoption. All of those are life-altering choices, and there’s no neutral option.

I don’t want to equate being a trans teen with being a pregnant teen because they’re very different life experiences (and some teens experience both), but in both cases, there are no neutral options. There’s a cost for a kid to live as their assigned at birth gender, and a cost for them to transition. Current medical best practices include puberty blockers, giving the kid time to think about the decision and keep all their options open. Then, if they decide to transition, there’s more counseling at each step. The intent is already to protect kids from having to make life-altering decisions before they’re ready, and to make sure that they and their parents have the necessary information and fully consider all medical decisions.

The one place where I truly disagree with the author of the Guardian piece is where she says transitioning “should be seen as the last resort.” I think the idea of transition as a last resort is harmful because it adds onto the standard of informed consent. It’s not enough that the patient be aware of all their options and have thoroughly considered their choice. Instead, they have to somehow prove that they’ve suffered “enough” or are at “enough” risk to be allowed to transition. Considering that the author herself was suicidal when she transitioned, the bar for “last resort” would have to be extraordinarily high to have prevented the transition that she came to regret. So how many suicidal trans people would be denied care and would die as a result? Obviously, she didn’t get appropriate medical care. She had no counseling, and her surgery was botched. So of course she wants stricter standards. But “last resort” swings too far in the other direction, and it doesn’t treat trans people as adults who get to make their own life decisions.

*Referring to gender gets a little messy when people detransition, but the basic principle is to respect how someone refers to themselves. The author of the Guardian piece is “she” because she states that she’s a woman, not a trans man. Likewise, the two women interviewed in the Vice article paused their transitions but identify themselves as women. (This would be the case regardless of what surgeries they have or don’t have, or what meds they take or don’t take.)

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The Little Black Yippy Dog Does Not Want a Hug

oh wow please don't….. do that http://pic.twitter.com/rGgBtpyi9h

— evening girl (@chaeronaea) April 19, 2017

Let me add my voice to the “No! Don’t do that!” chorus, because that’s not just the opposite of help, but actively dangerous and skeevy as all hell.

First, let me introduce you to my imaginary dog Yippy, who is my metaphor for anxiety. The world is a terrifying place when you’re a nervous little black dog, so he barks at everything all the time.

This metaphor works particularly well for this trash advice, because dogs in general really don’t like hugs. A dog might accept a hug from a loved and trusted human, but a random acquaintance who picks Yippy up and gives him a hug is likely to get bitten. If he’s scared or agitated enough, and you ignore the warning signs, you might get bitten even if he knows and likes you.

Likewise, if you randomly grab me against my will while I’m having a panic attack, and continue to hang on while I’m struggling to get away, I make no promises that I won’t deck you. I’ll probably be with it enough to realize that this is a misguided attempt to help, and try to fake calm long enough to get your grabby hands off me, but that’s not a guarantee.  And if you try that with someone who has PTSD and is in the middle of a flashback? Bad call.

Panic attacks are different for everyone, but when I have one, I often feel trapped and warm, like the room is closing in on me and I can’t get enough air. Putting your warm body up against me and closing me in is going to make both of those things worse, and be the exact opposite of help.

One thing that strikes me about this advice is the many ways in which it’s dehumanizing. First and most obvious is the hostility to consent and the assumption that you can restrain someone “for their own good” as a random bystander. It also treats people having panic attacks as a problem with a single solution. Dude, if it was that easy, everybody with anxiety disorder or PTSD would pass this sheet out to everyone we know, and all our panic attacks would be instantly fixed. Humming or whispering might help some people in some situations, but I’d just find it irritating. And there are few things *less* helpful to say to me during panic or anxiety than “It’s going to be okay.” Especially since November, because it may very well not be.

I can picture a couple situations in which it would be reasonable to grab someone who’s having a panic attack. (This is as a friend, acquaintance, or other random bystander. If you’re an actual medical professional, I won’t presume to tell you how to do your job, but I certainly hope you have more training on the subject than a random Tumblr post.)

The first is if they’re in imminent physical danger that they seem to be ignoring or unaware of. If I’m too busy hyperventilating to leave a burning building, and don’t respond to “Hey, Kel, we need to get the hell out of here,” yes, please, drag me out physically.

The second is if they, specifically, have told you, specifically, that this is how they want you to help them handle their panic attacks. People vary wildly, so it’s entirely possible that this is helpful for some people, especially from someone they trust. I do find hugs helpful when Yippy is losing his shit, but offered, not forced, and from my husband, not anybody and everybody.

If you want to help a friend or loved one who has panic attacks, *ask them* what would be helpful. If you want to be a generally useful good Samaritan to anyone who might have a panic attack or other mental health problem in your general vicinity, mental health first aid classes are a thing.

via Kelly Thinks Too Much http://ift.tt/2pRXhO4