On the failure of spaces

It’s hard to take a shower in three quarter turns;

Never moving your body fully.

 

Aware that too big a shift will send water spilling to the floor. And every time I did move, no matter how small, my second stomach would turn off the water. So I kept turning it back on. And trying not to spill it over the curtain.

 

 

I’ve never had to shower this way before.

 

Sure, I’ve had showers that were pretty small, but they always had doors. A physical presence upon which I could rely as a barrier between the water and outside. A physical presence upon which I could rely as a barrier between my fat body and outside. Maybe to lean against, or use to prop myself up on.

 

No, this tiny shower didn’t have a door. And it didn’t have one curtain, but two.

 

These two curtains met in the middle of the shower, which just happened to be where my largest parts met as well. Top stomach, meet second stomach. Tummies, meet hips and thighs.

 

No matter where I positioned myself in the shower, the two curtains clung to my fat like a second skin. And if I moved too much, the water would creep down my fat and past the curtains, seeping onto the tiled floor.

 

 

The failure of everyday spaces is an everyday object lesson for those who are super fat. The world around us is not built for us, and these reminders come at every turn. The chairs that are too small; the bathroom stalls that aren’t wide enough; the rides at any amusement park with the bars that won’t sit on our hips.

 

Walking through a crowded cafe? Forget about it. Making your way to the back of a classroom? Absurd.

 

As a super fat person, your life becomes structured around how the physical world does and does not welcome you in. You choose where to go based on whether they have booths or an accessible bathroom. You decline invites from co-workers because you know you won’t fit into the shared car they’re car. You make excuses for why leaving your house isn’t something you want to do. Even if you do.

 

Radical feminists have long imagined what a world without men might look like. How the structures might change; how women’s lives might be different. When I imagine, I imagine a world that is made for my super fat body. Where every ride at Disneyland can accommodate my hips & bellies; where every place I go has a restroom I can use without worry. I imagine a world where I can walk into any clothing store and find the casual black trousers I need for work, or the elegant dress for my best friend’s wedding.

 

Imagine, if you will, a world made for fat people. Where all bodies fit and no one is excluded because of their size. What might that look like? How would that change how you love through the world? What can you do to make your own spaces – and the spaces you frequent – more welcoming for fat people?

 

*First performed on 8 July, 2017, at Empowerment und Sensibilisierung zum Thema Fat-Shaming, hosted by Jugendnetzwerk Lambda Berlin-Brandenburg e.V. in Berlin, Germany

 

 

 

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40 Never Felt So Good!

This past weekend my nearest and dearest friends surprised me with a wine tasting adventure here in the bay area. We met for breakfast and were discussing our next steps (which winery first?!) when this big white limo pulls into the parking lot. “There’s my ride!” I shout with my usual sass. But when I turned around to get back to business, all of my friends had these huge grins and their phones out and…Y’all! That limo was for us/me! I never would have guessed! It was such a shock! Ha! So we piled in and our driver, Captain Ron, took us to all the best spots! We hit the champagne to start things off right on our way to our first spot.

It was a lovely warm day in Livermore, California. I can’t recall the name of a single winery we went to, but I do believe that there were 5 total that we visited that day. I think the original intention was 6, but the limo blew it’s transmission at number 4 so that changed things. Yep! Leave it to me, or just my sit-com life in general, to break a fucking limo! Ha-ha! We weren’t actually in the limo when it broke down. Captain Ron let us know what was going on before we started our tasting but was certain he could get us a substitute and the party would roll on. Myself and my bff P decided to try both the wine tasting at this particular spot, as well as their spirits tasting. Whew! I’d never done the spirits tasting thing before, but it was both rough and fun and of course by the end I was wasted! Ha!

I will say here and now that my beloved bff D took wonderful care of us all and especially me, she was also not imbibing. She made sure I was hydrated and even made sure we stopped for snacks midday. I am certain that it was because of her specifically that I was not in the least bit hungover the next day. When our tastings were done(we had a party of 7), we filed back into the limo to snack, drink, laugh, and wait for our replacement ride. This downtime, though brief, proved detrimental to our plans for the rest of that evening. D offered J her empty Starbuck’s iced tea cup so that he could carry some harder booze covertly and thus party on! Only, that’s not what he ultimately decided to actually do. I think he and T had some kind of childish competition (is there any other kind?!) as to who could get the most drunk or maybe it was about who could surpass “Christmas Tom”, being the highest level of drunkenness anyone in our group had recently achieved. In any case, J filled that Starbuck’s cup with Scotch (he’s not a big hard liquor drinker, tbh), and an entire can of Coca Cola…and then chugged it!!! Needless to say, the limo wasn’t the only thing having a breakdown! Ha!

Captain Ron returned with a large van and drove us back to our cars at the breakfast place. Here we switched to the trio’s van and made our last winery stop: the singing winemaker. J was so drunk by this point, though always entertaining, he’d reached the point where exposing him to the general public was soon becoming a bad idea. We made it to the winery for a tasting, but as we were walking up the steps the band was wrapping up it’s last song: Rocket Man, by Elton John. The sun was lowering but it’s warm rays found just the right spot to highlight the cinematic moment of P & T walking up the steps together, it was straight out of a movie. It was lovely, honestly, and I totes teared up! I love those jerks, dammit! Anyway, T & I posed for some pics by their big fluffy spider decoration and then went in for our tasting. They had some great stuff! I don’t remember any of it! Ha-ha! I also don’t remember J going back to the van, but let’s just say it was the right time to pack it in.

We headed to the hotel we’d be staying in that night and decided to forego the dinner reservations and get some pizza delivered. We’d all been drinking all day, except D. Everyone was mega tired and some more drunk than they let on (me). Though the pizza was delayed, we all enjoyed and our spirits brightened as we watched the George Michael documentary on t.v. The trio had a long drive back home and so they left and we hugged our goodbyes and my undying gratitude to have their friendship! They are truly amazing and special people who will do anything for those they love, period. Y’all know I respect the hell out of that! <3

Next morning we each got up and got ready to head to brunch where Tigress & Ashley would be meeting up with us. OMZ!!! That brunch place was amaaaaaazing! It looks like a straight-up bar, and not even the sports kind. I mean like a drinkin’ bar, no frills. But the thing is, they rocked my professional brunch socks right the hell off!!! Not only did they have great food (So good!), but they also offered multiple mimosa options for your mimosa indulging pleasure! I went for the classic bottomless mimosa AND the Hawaiian themed mimosa flight they were offering that day. SO DELICIOUS! I was blissed out for sure! The owner kept popping by and snarked at/with us and we loved it! Tigress looked fantastic in a ver Halloween themed outfit! Ugh! Ashley brought an orange and black bouquet of flowers! It was just so great!

What the others don’t know is that I later met up with Ashley in Berkeley for a cider at a local brewery with some ex-coworkers. Ha! It was chill and I got to hang out with Suki the cutie pie french bulldog and chat. It was nice. Great way to wind down before going home…where my phone soon crashed and bootlooped for the next 18 hours. D’oh! Though the next day, Monday, was financially nightmarish, the weekend was so lovely it doesn’t even matter! My friends wrapped me up in the love and friendship and humor and showed me that they care and want me to be happy! Who could ask for more than that? (Okay, a job would be pretty dang nice! Ha!)

It is mere hours away from my fortieth birthday and I have way less thoughts and feelings about it than I thought I would. Ha-ha! The truth is I am struggling, but I’m surviving. After my birthday I have literally NOTHING going on in my life. So…yeah that’s a thing that kind of haunts me. But I’m sure it will all be fine. It’s fine. Everything is FINE! Ha-ha! Muwuahahahaha! Ahem. Uhhh…PICS!!!

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

If you feel so inclined (Ranges from $2 – $150):
My 40th Birthday Wish List: http://a.co/0a2nLYO
Cash & Gift cards also appreciated…I just lost my job! 

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 
Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
http://ift.tt/1NpWevR

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

If you would like to support this blog (the hosting bill is $150 and coming up next month!), and it’s archives, via paypal, you may do so here: http://ift.tt/2ipTmGm and you will have my undying gratitude, too!

 

 

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Curvy Girl Lingerie Fashion Show 2017

*Waves* I’m back! I had no internet at home yesterday, so couldn’t post anything, but it’s back and so am I and hey let’s do this! Woo!

(I was in no way paid, reimbursed, or asked to write this post in any way shape or form! The lingerie I wore in the show I paid for myself, with the discount that Chrystal gave to all those modeling in the fashion show.)

Curvy Girl Lingerie has been a silicon valley gem for some time. I have been fortunate enough to be invited as a guest by my dance partner and dear friend Tigress for the last couple of years and have enjoyed myself as I got to watch the show from the audience. This year was the first time I was in the actual show. It was kind of funny how that happened. Tigress and Saucye had at first talked me into that modeling audition this past spring (Oh, I guess I should post about that, too? OKay, will do!) and I couldn’t believe it when I got a callback for it. It was an interesting experience, but when all was said and done and Saucye’s gorgeous face lit up and said, “So are you hooked for life?!” I don’t think she expected my response. “Fuck no! This isn’t for me.” Ha-ha!

I knew they’d be in the Curvy Girl show because they have been for the last few years (3-4, not sure). Tigress asked if I would and I hemmed and hawed. I was kind of avoiding it, to be honest. Once the application date passed I thought I was in the clear! Nope. Chrystal, the owner, reached out to me directly and asked me to be in the show. How could I say no? I didn’t. I said yes and then tried to choose something to wear but honestly I’d never bought lingerie before and it suddenly all felt so surreal and not applicable to me and my fat life. There was a models only group page on facebook and that helped a bit to see what others were wearing and how their individual looks were coming together. We were encouraged to be creative and have fun showing off our personalities.

I was clueless and while I did ask for help, I suck at it and didn’t really say what I needed, and I’m just always convinced that I’m an annoying bastard who should leave people the heck alone. Introverts high-five! Ha-ha! In the end Chrystal suggested something different than I originally picked out due to my particular body dimensions and I was finally relieved. Chrystal had a store closing party on her last day of business in her brick and mortar store (the online store will be her main focus and shuttering the shop in San Jose was due to health concerns – This is the exact reason I sold my cafe, owning a small business is incredibly taxing on one person). I went to buy my lingerie for the show but also to try it on first to be sure of sizing.

I went with the Stephenie in a 3x/4x and it fit fantastic, but I will say that the straps were a little tricky to get right at first. Once a fellow model leant me a hand (I think there were 4-5 of us in the exact same item) and cinched my straps all the way to their tightest setting, I was good to go! I had originally wanted the same item in this sort of purply-wine color, but they’d run out of my size and I was kind of digging the vibe of this peach number with black trim. I thought it was a girl-next-door with a naughty side sort of a thing! That was where my look was heading and I was stoked and went to the fabric store and bought some fun remnants to play with. Thought I’d make myself a little hat or fascinator, but I just couldn’t get it together.

The night before the show I sat on my little loveseat and watched a marathon of Good Times (70’s sitcom about a poor working class black family living in Chicago’s projects, my favorite of all time for sure). What can I say? Inspiration took over! That peachy color? Very 70’s! The fashion in the show always dazzled me, even as a kid, but this was all about the higher cut babydoll style tops and dresses back then and that was sort of how my lingerie was cut and them BAM it hit me: A glamorous wrap! I took this peach chiffon remnant and laid it across my lap and started to just think really hard about how this could work. I soon realized I didn’t have enough fabric, but then I tried something different and pinned each side horizontally and tried it on and yep yep it all worked out. I made a fancy (not really at all) shrug! I just watched my fave show and hand sewed the seams and finally the marabou-like trim for the cuffs. Perfect!

Before the show everyone was getting ready, but when I put on that shrug, well, I was worried at first that it wouldn’t look right. All the other models seemed to have more put together looks. So I popped on a spooky new batwing-bow headband and my shrug and just worked it! And I got so many compliments on my handmade shrug! I was so proud, if not a little embarrassed at how much so. Ha-ha! But it looked great and sort of looked more me anyway. I always gotta have a little retro in my look! I love classic with a twist, ya know? So I finished my makeup and lined up with everyone and got ready to walk the runway.

I’ll say right here and now that I think I’m one of the most awkward human beings ever, but Tigress has twice now insisted that even if that’s how I feel, that is not at all what comes across to others in my interactions. I’ll accept this. That said, I was the most awkward fucking model on the damned runway! Ha-ha! It was fine, I didn’t fall or have any wardrobe malfunctions, but I didn’t hear them call my name at first so that was a bit funny. In the end I was on the runway a total of like 30 seconds, so who even cares?! I haven’t seen any of the professional pictures yet, but I’ll add the ones I have that Tigress took of me and include some from the site as well so you can see the same item on different bodies.

The event itself is super fun, very empowering, positive, and just a great time! It’s attended by all women and there are always great vendors selling awesome body positive things and stuff. I actually didn’t get to check out the vendors tables until after the show, but I was also between paychecks (and now unemployed – who knew?!), so I really barely browsed. There was a latex-wear table that I found very intriguing and the vendor was super gorgeous and sweet to me, but I was not in the right headspace for such a purchase as I had a billion questions but little time. I had intended to have a drink before the show, even brought some moscato to share, but time and nerves did not allow. Tigress and I had a glass after the show before we went to Ross and Smashburger! Ha!

All in all I am glad that I did it! Who else can say they modeled lingerie just a few weeks away from turning 40?! Let alone at 325 lbs?! That’s right! Breakin’ all the “rules” and barriers over here! Ha-ha! That is what that show is, though. It is really the customers and community that was built by and around Curvy Girl! Chrystal built it from the ground up, so to speak, from a pleasure party business to a full on community of awesome people! And that is what it felt like, it seemed that everyone knew each other or were becoming fast friends. I was abnormally shy feeling that day and really just stuck to myself when not getting ready with Tigress and Saucye. Oh! Speaking of…Tigress and Saucye also gave keynote speeches at the start of the show! So fantastic! I think if you go to Curvy Girl’s facebook page you can still watch the original livestream. Always worth paying attention when either of these incredible fat activists are speaking, lemme tell ya!

Do yourself a favor, seriously, and get yourself something you feel fabulous in! Check out the shop online and if you have questions about sizing, or anything, ASK!!! Chrystal steered me away from ill fitting things and into something that works for my body and my comfort level! Those are reasons alone why it took until 2017 for me to buy myself lingerie! I even busted out my Size Queen booty shorts to wear underneath my babydoll! Fun! I hope you can support this really great, fat accepting business. A great place to shop for toys and lubes and all of your pleasure-related needs, it’s also fantastic for gifts!!! You might even have some time left to get yourself a sexy lil’ something for your halloween celebrations! Woo! And onto the pics!!!

  

 

 

I am ceaselessly inspired by Tigress as well as local fat community, and am so grateful to have access to it where I live. I hope that you’ll also check out her blog here: iofthetigress and here for GREAT pics on her Instagram!

Check out Saucye West’s Instagram for all things #FatAndFree, not to mention fucking FABULOUS!!!

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

If you feel so inclined (Ranges from $2 – $150):
My 40th Birthday Wish List: http://a.co/0a2nLYO
Cash & Gift cards also appreciated…I just lost my job! 

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 
Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
http://ift.tt/1NpWevR

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

If you would like to support this blog (the hosting bill is $150 and coming up next month!), and it’s archives, via paypal, you may do so here: http://ift.tt/2ipTmGm and you will have my undying gratitude, too!

via I'm Not Blue at All http://ift.tt/2ipIgku

Countdown to 40!!!

Holy shit! Yes, it’s true, it’s real, and I have been assured, that 40 IS in fact a Thing! Whaaaaaaat?! In 7 days I will turn 40! I had been very excited about this for some time, as not everyone gets the privilege. I’m also facing this, among so many other things, alone. (Note: I did not say lonely!!!) As life is known to do, it grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, HARD! Last week I was fired, right out of the clear blue sky, for literally doing my job! (Obviously not what they put down on paper, but I didn’t work for dummies.) I’ve never been fired before, and I’m still in shock. Just a few weeks ago I was pulled aside by a VP and told that they upped my equity because, “You’re an important and valuable member of the team!” So, trust no one, basically.

While my head’s still spinning and I’m questioning reality, it has also shown me who is there, who is real, and who will show up for me when needed. Two weeks ago I walked the runway as the most awkward model in Curvy Girl Lingerie’s annual fashion show. And this past weekend I did a little song and dance number for Big Moves Bay Area’s annual “A Taste for Dance” show. The contrast between  those two events is night and day! They were both body positive, of course, but only one was truly fat accepting and inclusive, IMHO. I’ll get into that more soon, as I have the time I should do my absolute best to get back to writing if I can. My block has been unbearable! (Perhaps I’ll talk about that soon as well.)

I have been single since March, but I haven’t really been interested in dating much. Yes, I’ve gone on a few dates, most good, one terrible, and one awesome one.  I’ve had some heavy crushes (the current one is made of magic, I swear!), had some minor hurts and heavy disappointments, but overall I’m good in that department. I’ve been more focused on work and building/maintaining friendships. Ultimately, I would like to meet people to date and get to know and connect with on a deeper level. Dating has changed, even online dating has changed in the four years I was in an LTR. Luckily I have a strong bullshit detector, and don’t waste time on fools. I have become more secure in my own sexuality and identities (Bi-Sapio-Femme), though, and I am glad for that!

I don’t really feel as though I’m at an ending of something, though. It feels more like the start of something…big! I’ve had this feeling for awhile, that I’m on the brink of something awesome, and I guess getting canned made that suddenly become even more clear. Just wish I knew what it is so I could get right on it or at least begin the research! Ha-ha! I trust in the journey and the process. I trust in the people who have become my support system to steer me away from disaster. I really just haven’t a clue what it is I’m meant to do at this particular juncture of life. *Shrugs*

I have wanted to post here for some time, but never could get the words to come out. I want to change that. I want to share with you my thoughts, feels, struggles, and joys. I want to rebuild and repair the relationship I once had with my readers, and hopefully in doing so attract new thoughts, ideas, and people into this sphere. As I have been inspired by fat community countless times, I hope to give as much back as I can. It is what makes me do these intimidating things and continue to challenge my own and others misconceptions about fatness, feminism, bodies, autonomy, fashion, connections, and you know, just, like, every damned thing! Ha-ha!

I know one thing is for certain, I have the love and support of my nearest and dearest friends all over the world. I carry that with me for the tough moments. We just never know what the universe has in store for us at any given point in time. I want to thank those who have seen me when I felt the most unseen, held me when I struggled hardest against my own journey, and gifted me with their truth and their stories when they saw that I wanted to listen. It is through these interactions and connections that I have found strength and light in a world that seems unreal and cruel.

Birthdays are really tough for me, when I hope or trust, I get mostly hurt and trauma. So, I can’t. I know this is the past getting in the way of the future, but it’s a wound that refuses to close on it’s own. I have a tiny, glimmering, pinprick of a hope that this year’s and all the ones going forward will help to heal this wound.

I see friends celebrate their entire birthday month with something each day, but that sounds almost terrifying to me! Ha-ha! Then again, every single thing I had planned this month has been terrifying, and I’m a firm believer in getting out of your comfort zone, but this? Celebrating myself? No, that feels so wrong. So, perhaps I’ll simply share a thought or memory or photo for the rest of this month and hope that you will chime in with your usual wit and wisdom!

#TooBlessedToBeStressed #PugLife #FatAndFree #SingleReadyToMingleWithFeminists #BiPride #Gratitude #BadAssFatAss

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

If you feel so inclined (Ranges from $2 – $150):
My 40th Birthday Wish List: http://a.co/0a2nLYO
Cash & Gift cards also appreciated…I just lost my job!

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 
Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
http://ift.tt/1NpWevR

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

If you would like to support this blog (the hosting bill is $150 and coming up next month!), and it’s archives, via paypal, you may do so here: http://bit.ly/1P2cZgO

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On super fat travel: Disneyland Hong Kong

California is in my blood. My mother is a fourth generation San Franciscian. My Dad grew up in Southern California, before moving to the Bay Area as a teenager. After the oil business moved them to Midland, Texas, my parents continued to take trips back to their home state; it was the preferred vacation spot of the Pauséfamily. By the time I left for University, I had been to very few places in Texas, but was comfortable anywhere along the Pacific Coast Highway.

Trips to Disneyland were part of the fabric of my childhood. They were used as special occasions, family outings, and bribes to get me to demonstrate appropriate classroom behaviour (ie: talk less). Disney movies were one of the few approved media in our home; I grew up on a diet of Princesses and Fred McMurray musicals. As a kid, I strongly identified with the fat witch in Cinderella; as a teen, I was drawn to the fat sea witch of Ursula. As an adult, I recognise how problematic Disney is, with the patriarchal white supremacist ideologies and capitalistic goals. But I still sing along every time.

In my first year of University, I convinced some friends that going to DisneyWorld for Spring Break was the greatest idea ever. We had a friend who was a cast member, who offered his place and comped tickets, and we had a great week. When friends from that same University got married in Santa Monica a decade later, I chose to take a day trip to Disneyland while the rest of the wedding party shopped Rodeo Drive. Disney is a part of me.

When I was planning a stopover in Hong Kong (in my long haul travel from New Zealand to Germany), I discovered there was a Disneyland Park. At first, I thought it was a silly use of a day in a part of the world I’ve never experienced. But I did have four days, and Hong Kong isn’t that large of a city. I had another reservation, though. The last time I went to the happiest place on earth was during my final war with my body. I was a great deal smaller than I am now, and yet I remember the anxiety over whether I’d fit into the rides.

So you can imagine my anxiety this time around; 100lbs more awesome. How would that impact my experience? Will I fit into any of the rides? What else is there to do at Disney if I can’t? Can superfats do amusement parks?

Before I left, I had decided that even if I couldn’t ride any of the rides, I could still find joy in the magic of Disneyland. So, on my penultimate day, I hopped on the metro and headed to the park.

Hong Kong has a metro that takes you straight to the park

When I arrived at Disneyland Hong Kong, it was over 100 degrees (F) and 85% humidity. Not exactly weather to walk around all day in, regardless of the size of your body, your propensity to sweat, and whether any parts of your body rub together as you move. Luckily, I had lathered my folds up with Desitin, put on extra deodorant, covered myself in sunscreen, and was wearing a skirt and tank top – both optimal for superhot weather. After the first hour or so, I bought a visor to help keep the sun off my face.

My full Disney look

 

I knew from the start that I wanted to begin with it’s a small world. It’s the iconic Disney ride that exists in ALL the parks. I headed straight there once I arrived (Thanks Disneyland train that took me from the front entrance to FantasyWorld at the back of the park!). There weren’t lines for the ride, which was good (no waiting) and bad (no time to stealthily assess if I could go on the ride or not). I paid close attention as I weaved through the roped lines towards the ride and as I got closer I was able to confirm what I’d hoped: no bars across the hips on IaSW. (I could be wrong, but I’d imagine that bars across the hips are what makes many rides (at any amusement park) un-rideable for super fats like me).

So, I climbed in the boat (took a hoist up using the railing; it looked like they had a way for people without that ability to get in as well) and took a seat with a row to myself (like I said, no lines).

The boat; me and my belly & hips in the boat

The ride was just as awesome & annoying as I remembered. Apparently I was obsessed with this song when I was younger and led my godfather (& beloved uncle) to confiscate my Disney tape on a California road trip because all I wanted to listen to was this song. I found the representations amusing (THAT’s NZ?!) and perplexing (why does the continent of Africa not appear to be zoned into countries like the rest of the continents? Oh, right. White supremacy. Duh.)

New Zealand

Overall, though, I was overjoyed that I could still actually partake in this experience. That my body didn’t make it off limits; that their ride didn’t prohibit me from enjoying the songs and sights of the world according to Disney. I rode the damn thing a second time to just soak it all in again. (After that, I headed to get my visor – because that sun was brutal and my face needed some extra protection).

Then, I rode the carousel. This was the only attraction I attempted where the turnstile to enter the area was narrow – I couldn’t have gotten through it. (This was also true at the entrance to the park, but there, they have a wheelchair/stroller entrance right next to each turnstile, so it’s an easy diversion). The attendant, at my non-verbal gesture to my hips and sad shaking of my head, let me out the side gate and directed me to another side gate that would let me enter the area. Pretty easy. No big deal.

I found myself retreating to the indoor shows throughout the day. I’d never been to one before, with the exception of the Tiki room, as I’d always focused on riding as many rides as possible. But the heat & humidity made the shows attractive choices, and I didn’t have that driving need for rides. I went to Mickey’s PhilharMagic and Mickey and the Wonderous Book. Both were much more enjoyable than expected, and the air conditioned dark room was a welcome respite. In the short (12 min) PhilharMagic I was in an individual wooden theater seat that bit into my sides, as those usually do. But Wonderous Book (45 min) was in a theatre of bench seating, which was great. Both shows had the speaking in Cantonese and the singing in English.

The other attraction I did was the Jungle Book River Cruise. Again, one I knew to be free from hip bars. Like IaSW, you have to step down into the boat (& then back up out of it), but this boat has a rail you can use to assist yourself if needed. Benches line the river cruise, and apart from an initial perilous dip when I first sat down (as the first person on the boat), my size wasn’t an issue. It was an enjoyable (if predictable) experience.

The boat

 

As you can see, I only attempted one ride at the park – it’s a small world. I wasn’t sure before I entered the park if I would try multiple kinds of rides, but it wasn’t long before the heat and humidity zapped all my resilience and desire to attempt to see if I could fit elsewhere. I was surprised, though, at how much fun I had engaging with the park in different ways. All my previous times at Disney, I’ve only ever done the rides. Rides, rides, and more rides. In a way, I’m grateful that my fear and the weather drove me to discover other parts of Disney. Maybe on my next trip, I’ll give a few other rides a chance.

Regardless, I hope this post reassures other super fats that Disney is accessible to you – that bodies of all sizes can enjoy the happiest place on Earth! If you’ve got your own super fat at Disney experience, I’d love to hear about it – use #SuperFatDisney on social media or send me an email, friendofmarilyn@aol.com

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