Notes From The Fatosphere: June 2019

Friday, 28 June 2019

THIS FAT OLD LADY’S FAT FRIDAY – IT’S CALLED EVOLUTION FOLKS

What would This Fat Old Lady’s Fat Friday be without a fat rant?

This Fat Old Lady’s Fat Friday – It’s Called Evolution

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Thursday, 27 June 2019

People will always show you their true colors…eventually!

It’s true, people show us their true colors all of the time, but I’m quite certain that we ignore all those signals more often than not. It’s not in their words, usually, but definitely in their deeds and behaviors. I’m big on body language and pay close attention to the physical signals people give as they interact with me. It’s how I know who the fat hating bigots are at work and who’s actually super cool. Ha-ha!

Image result for true colors

Friendships can boom and bust and grow and fade and we’re often left with more questions than answers. I know I certainly have been there, quite a bit a few years ago. What can you do? They showed me their true colors. They forced me to make a choice. They proved to be untrustworthy, or worse. I didn’t escape abuse to welcome it into my life willingly later on. Nope! Next!

Okay, but really this post is about my dating life because that is where I’m shifting some focus these days. What dating life, you might ask? Yeah, I know, I try and give up so quickly that it’s hard to keep up, let alone make any sort of sense of. That person I had that best first date ever with suddenly ghosted me for a week. It was odd, we had been texting every day for weeks. Really we had a terrible date, on a Friday night. Took them to my favorite Italian restaurant and they showed up late & high and had to leave an hour later because their wife was ill. And hey, I totally understood, but their behavior was bullshit. They barely talked and kept checking their phone. It was like a completely different person than the one I had had 3 amazing dates with. Oh well.

When they text me 8 days later with only, “Afternoon! :D” I waited two days to reply, “Afternoon.” I had thought to not text back at all, but I do love a bit of confrontation or at least to let them know I’m not into their fuckery. But no such explanation occurred, so what can ya do?! When they asked how I was I simply said, “Oh you know, just livin’.” and they haven’t responded since. I doubt they will. Too bad, they were a great person to talk to and a helluva great time to make-out with. Next!

Now I’m seeing someone else and having the time of my fucking life! This one is also married and open/ethically non-monagamous, but while the same age as the last one, far more mature and together. Their communication is open, honest and enthusiastic! And ain’t that just the way? People who want to be in your life will tell you, will show you, and will try their best to actually be in your awesome life! It’s almost like magic! And while this person and I get along swimmingly, the connection we’ve made in our short acquaintance is mostly physical (not to mention fucking fantastic! Ha-ha!). I’m not in this one for the feels and for the first time in a long time that feels right! It also FEEEEEEELS right! Ha-ha!

I had had a regular date a couple of weeks ago. I had matched with someone on a few different dating apps and had chatted a bit but it fizzled. Then they popped back up to apologize and explain and decided we should meet up. I was game, they were nice and cute and age appropriate (I might have a hangup about dating folks not yet thirty, wev!). We met outside of the local Egyptian museum in the garden, which was gorgeous as it was also sunset. However, they showed up sweaty in a tank top and shorts (cycling gear really) and checked on their bike twice in the not quite 90 minutes we hung out and chatted. I think we’re attracted to each other, but have very little at all in common. They had invited me to come to their apartment to play some Classic NES the following week but then never reached out to sync on the details. Oh well. Next!

Closure is a scam and we never truly get what we think we need. And the truth is we don’t actually need it! I know that may be a radical notion to some, certainly my own mind screams at the thought, but I’m certain of it now. Our brains will try as they might to finish the puzzle, especially if you have past traumas or PTSD-C as I do. Whew! My lil’ brain-o was on the struggle bus for real when the shit hit the fan at my last job. There was zero logic involved in how that situation went down, but my brain worked so hard for months to make it somehow make sense, but it never could because there was none to be had.

Our feelings are valid, regardless of the situation at hand. How someone makes you feel is real, but if their actions don’t match their words, be on high alert, my lovelies! It’s not worth sticking around for it to really kick you in the pants, I promise. There is so much more life to be had and experience and enriched! There are good people out there! Seriously! They may seem few and far between, but the good ones, the tried and true ones, they are always worth the wait. Trying to force it just never works and why put forth effort where it isn’t wanted anyway?! Nah, I’m done with all of that. I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Oh well, oh well, oh well.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

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Wednesday, 19 June 2019

The “Even Though They’re Fat” Fallacy

fat shaming natural Had this exchange on Twitter :

If you are responsible for training about a lifesaving procedure, using the words "Even though they…" to describe the people whose lives you are in charge of teaching people to save should be a fireable offense. https://t.co/VXKFtelr1K

— Ragen Chastain (@danceswithfat) June 15, 2019

First let’s get some things clear. It doesn’t matter if using drugs is or isn’t comparable to being fat, this is not okay to say, for the reasons I explained in my tweet. Anything that starts with “even though they” and end with “we treat them with basic human respect” is bullshit – because regardless of what is said in the second part, the first part seeks to deny humanity. No, just no. Give narcan to people who need it, and CPR to people who need it, period.

This is an extreme example of the “even though they’re fat” fallacy. In it, people get to perpetuate fatphobia by being clear that being fat is a most definitely still a bad thing (nobody ever says “Even though they saved all those puppies from the fire, we’re still going to treat the burns.”) before trying to take credit for still treating us with a modicum of respect as if that represents part of their commitment to community service.

This is easily fixable by replacing “Even though” with “fat people exist so….”

Let’s practice!

Instead of:

“Even though they’re fat, we should still give them medical treatment”

Try:

“Fat people exist, so we give them excellent medical care because our stereotypes and bigotry don’t come into play when it comes to our job of giving medical care to humans.”

Instead of

“Even though they are fat, they still need clothes”

try

“Fat people exist, so they should have access to affordable clothes that they like.”

Instead of:

“Even though they’re fat, they shouldn’t be bullied.”

Try:

“Fat people exist, so they should be treated with basic human respect. Nobody should be bullied, WTF is wrong with you?” (The second part is optional based on your situation.)

Sometimes this comes from a place of internalized oppression. In which case it can sound something like:

“I may be fat, but I still deserve to be treated with respect.”

“I should be given competent, evidence-based healthcare, even though I’m fat.”

“Yes I’m fat, but I should have access to affordable clothes that fit and that I like.”

When we hear ourselves say these things, it’s an indication that we’ve been duped by a culture chock full ‘o fatphobia (which, it turns out, is incredibly lucrative for those perpetuating it.) It’s not surprising that this happens, but we don’t have to continue to be a part of our own oppression.

To fix this, we heed the advice given by President Bartlet to Will – take the equivocation out of it:

I’m fat and I should be given competent, evidence-based healthcare.

I’m fat and I should have access to affordable clothes that fit and that I like.

I’m fat and I deserve to be treated with respect.

People are lots of different sizes for lots of different reasons, and none of those sizes requires an “even thought they” before “we treat them with respect.”

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Monday, 10 June 2019

Nike’s Plus Size Mannequins Uncover the Truth About Weight Stigma

A couple of years after introducing their plus size line, (which still has plenty of room to grow as it currently only goes up to 3x) Nike has added some plus size mannequins in their London Flagship store. And fatphobes the world over (I’d say very likely the same ones who are constantly complaining that fat people don’t exercise, as if that’s any of their business,) lost their collective shit. Reader Natasha let me know that a popular UK publication (which I’ll not be giving traffic by naming or linking to) described the mannequin thusly:

“not a size 12, which is healthy, or even 16 – a hefty weight, yes, but not one to kill a woman. She is immense, gargantuan, vast. She heaves with fat.”

Setting aside the fact that health and weight are not the same thing (there are healthy and unhealthy people of all shapes and sizes,) and that health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, entirely within our control, or guaranteed under any circumstances, and setting aside the fact that she doesn’t “heave with fat” so much as she heaves with plastic, as she is a mannequin, and that she doesn’t heave at all because, again, mannequin, I have to wonder what image this writer’s tribute to fatphobia and synonyms conjures up in people’s minds.

View the mannequin [insert creepy whispery voice…] if you dare…

Source: https://www.cnn.com/style/article/london-nike-mannequins-scli-intl/index.html

Now, we know better than to make an “it’s not even that fat!” argument, but if hysterical internet fatphobes are to be believed (and they aren’t,) this mannequin is “promoting obesity.” They claimed the same thing about the clothing line, so let me just reiterate part of what I wrote about that:

“Promoting obesity” is not a real thing. “Wait — Nike is making a small group of styles and colors of their workout clothes in plus sizes, and displaying them on mannequines? I’m totally getting fat!” said absolutely nobody ever.

The idea that creating a world that accommodates fat people in even remotely the same way it accommodates thin people somehow promotes fatness would be hilarious if it wasn’t used to hurt so many fat people. A diversity of body sizes has always, and will always, exist. And people all along that spectrum of sizes deserve seats that accommodate us, and clothes that fit us and that we like, including but not limited to sweat-wicking capris leggings, and mannequins shaped like us so that we have the same experience shopping that thin people do.

The promoting obesity myth is perpetuated by cruel people who want to make fat people’s lives miserable — the same kind of people who complain that fat people don’t work out (not their business) and then mock fat people for working out in public (not their damn business) and then complain that companies make clothes for fat people to work out in (not their fucking business!).

This brings into sharp relief the truth about so much fatphobia — not just by those pathetic enough to become online trolls, but by those who casually drop their fatphobic opinions into comment spaces. It’s not that people care about fat people’s health, it’s not even that they believe we’re costing them money somehow (though the “but mah tax dollurz” argument is also total bunk.)

It’s that some people like to hate fat people.

If these trolls would prefer that I work out naked, I have no problem with that (except maybe for the chaffing). But somehow, I doubt that would please them either.

What they are looking for is a world where fat people live in shame — hiding in our houses, unable to participate in a world that, if they had it their way, wouldn’t accommodate us at all. They want fat people to be nothing more than online punching bags living behind drawn blinds.

Fuck that, and fuck them. People of all sizes deserve the ability to live and thrive in a world that accommodates us.