Fatshion: Pink Floral Maxi Dress

Hi friends! How is your week going? My week was mellow but good. I’m making some changes to my class schedule so I have more free time on my hands now.  I wore this outfit last week to have...

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You don’t get to talk about abortion unless…

Okay, new rule.  All the dudes who want to enforce pregnancy on anyone who can’t prove to their satisfaction that they were raped or that the pregnancy will kill them need to meet the following qualifications:

1. Blood and Organ Donor: You must donate blood every time you are eligible. Not once or twice a year or when it’s convenient. Every single time you’re eligible. You’re off the hook if the Red Cross won’t actually take your blood, but fear of needles, passing out, or throwing up aren’t an excuse. Likewise, you must be registered as a bone marrow donor and donate marrow whenever needed. You must also give a kidney to anybody who needs one if you’re a match. If an embryo has the right to use someone else’s body for nine months to sustain its life, then sick people in hospitals absolutely have the right to your blood, your bone marrow, and any organs you have multiples of.
2. Sex: You must never in your life have had sex that could get another person pregnant without confirming with that person that they actually wish to become pregnant. Since all birth control has a failure rate, that includes protected sex, unless one or both of you has been permanently sterilized.
3. Charitable Giving: You must actually contribute 5-10% of your income to help people in poverty. If you’re a member of a religious organization, only the portion of your contributions that actually serve that purpose count.  If you tithe 10% and your church spends 30% of its budget on benevolence, then you’re at 3% and still have at least 2 to go.
4. Social Safety Net: You must actually support a society in which everyone has food, shelter, clothing, and medical care. If you vote Republican, that’s pretty much an auto-disqualifier.
5. Dependable Friend: If a friend or family member who is pregnant or has an infant needs anything from you at any time, no matter how expensive, annoying, or inconvenient, you have to help. Sister wants you to skip the football game and babysit for free?  You’re on the hook.

You might argue that this is all terribly unfair, and who am I to dictate how you live your life. What right do I, a total stranger who knows nothing about you, have to decide how much you can tolerate, the nature of your intimate relationships, and what parts of your life and your very body you have to give up?  You’re right.  I don’t have any.  You’re an autonomous human who gets to decide what you can handle, how you want to live, and what obligations you’ll submit to.  But, and this is the key point—So. Is. Every. Pregnant. Person.

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Series Review: The Cousins O'Dwyer

Lately, instead of my usual heavy fantasy fare, I've been picking up light romances or fantasy romances to read. Jacqueline Carey's Agent of Hel trilogy was fun, and I go back and reread Anne Bishop's Black Jewels books because I like the characters so much. Ephemera is alright too and has a very interesting world concept. Another trilogy I go back to over and over again is Nora Robert's Key series; three women have to find a trio of magical keys to save three young souls from a power hungry god. Along the way they forge friendships, build a business and find true love (of course). My other fave series by her is The Three Sisters trilogy; both series have magic in common, though in Three Sisters the story literally centers around three women who are the reincarnation of three witches who have to fight an ancient evil sorcerer. There are a lot of rhyming phrases and white light references, very New-Age. In the Key books the three women have no magic of their own but their very humanity is their greatest strength as they battle their ancient evil sorcerer-god. Seeing a pattern?

The latest series I picked up is named after the three main characters, the Cousins O'Dwyer. Set in County Mayo, Ireland, I fell in love with the rich descriptions of the rolling green hills, lush forests, babbling rivers and local history. There are enough Irish phrases thrown in to know she did some research on the area, plus actual dialect, to make it feel real; that's important as the more truth to your fiction, the better your fiction! As usual we have a trio of important characters; Branna, Iona and Connor, each who must overcome their own challenges and find love in each book. All three are descended from the original Dark Witch of Mayo and are witches in their own right, and of course they're fighting an evil sorcerer from long ago that battled the first Dark Witch. If not for the setting this would read almost exactly like the Three Sisters trilogy, right down to a snarly fourth witch, a man to boot, who loves the selfless, most powerful and wise witch, Branna.Three Sisters has that exact dynamic too, except his power comes from a Selkie heritage and not the evil sorcerer they're fighting against.

Despite the charm of Ireland I was bored with this series, only finishing it to see if there was some kind of twist or surprise ending; there wasn't. There are long stretches where nothing happens and then the bad guy attacks in some way, and someone gets hurt and it's oh, family! Yes we trust you! We're a circle! Don't be a fecking idjit! And then nothing. happens. Like, an entire year goes through the series and it just doesn't work. In the Key trilogy there is a time-table that has to be met; each woman only has one phase of the moon to try and find her key or else all is lost. That urgency is sorely lacking in Cousins O'Dwyer; if they fail to kill ... Wow. I can't even remember the villain's name, he is so forgettable. I'll just call him McWolf; if they fail to kill him it's the end of all the cursing and such anyway as Branna will have no children to carry on the curse, or eventually the Three will come again and get another chance.

Of course they defeat him, discovering along the way that SPOILERS McWolf made a deal with a demon in order to get his powers, so all they need to do is separate the two and kill each. In order to do that they need a name but until the last damn page, they don't have it. It's unclear who or what gives the name of this dreaded demon to Finbar Burke, our broody love interest to Branna, but I just about pitched my book across the livingroom when he named the creature; Cernunnos.

Are you kidding me, Nora Roberts? In a trilogy set in Ireland, steeped in New-Agey magikal tropes, you throw the name of a revered God out as belonging to an ancient evil demon? It's like she went to Wikipedia, picked a Celtic deity based on a cool name, and threw it in last minute. "I gotta wrap this up, so many more mediocre books to write! So little time! Maybe the next trilogy with three magical people, probably ladies, I write I'll set  in Australia! Exotic!" I'll admit I'm biased because I am a Pagan, and it hurts me to see the name of a God thrown carelessly about. Someone who doesn't know anything about Celtic Paganism will either think it's totally made up, or worse, associate it with evil the next time they hear it.

So Cousins O'Dwyer is a pale shadow of The Three Sisters, and doesn't even compare at all to the Key Trilogy in depth of story telling. It's literally a retelling of The Three Sisters set in Ireland instead of somewhere on the North East coast of the United States. It's tame, even in the sexy parts, and I'll be trading it in at the local bookshop as soon as I can get there. It's taking up valuable space on my shelf.

2/5 stars and Ireland itself gets one of those stars just for being so damn pretty.

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Manual Lymph Drainage and Bandaging --- Does It Work?

My feet, before and after Manual Lymph Drainage and wrapping Images copyright Pamela Vireday, April 2017. Please ask permission before using.

After many years of stage 2 and 3 lipedema, a serious health crisis recently propelled me into stage 4 lipo-lymphedema, where the body cannot dispose of its lymph fluids properly.

This led me to try some manual lymph drainage and bandaging to see if that could help the lipo-lymphedema.

It did. It wasn't a miracle cure but it did help, as you can see in the pictures.

The process starts out with a soft cotton stocking, then the leg gets wrapped in more padding..

Then the bandaging continues with special bandages until it's all covered.

You leave this on for a day to two days. This is the hard part. You want to take it off! It's restrictive but not too bad, fortunately. It's just hard to be patient.

Then you take it off for the final reveal. Here you can see how different in size the two feet are after treatment. Huge difference, if it it's not obvious in the pictures. I recently had the second foot done to help it reduce too.

Has it been worth the trouble of treatment? Yes, it has in my situation. I am much more comfortable now than before. Has the treatment maintained itself? Yes, to some degree. Some edema has returned but most has not and I'm still better off than I was before the treatment.

It's up to you whether or not to try this therapy, and it's not a miracle cure, it should be noted. To get best benefit, you should use compression stockings on it afterwards. However, even by itself it is helpful and that may be worthwhile to you.

It's another tool for the lipedema toolbox.

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A Year In Selfies

A little over a year ago, I posted an ode to the first year of my thirties, toasting what was to come.

Then I took a break.

Halloween 2016. I was a Spider Queen!

Year 31 was a year of growth, both personal and professional. It was a year of putting myself out there and dating, a year of expanding my makeup artistry into freelancing, a year of honing my writing skills and creating projects I am happy to work on (and can’t wait til they’re finished to share with y’all!) It’s been a year of being honest about where I see myself as a professional, what I want in my personal life, and really having the best time experimenting in between.

Game Night Selfie!

It has been a year of being social, and actually taking time to enjoy life and not making work my be all and end all.

Quite a bit of that was finding my new love, who encourages me to rest and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I’ve done more traveling this country in the last few months than I have in years, and it’s been amazing to have these new experiences. Naturally, having her by my side to experience it with me was doubly amazing and made it even more special. In finding her, I found more of me, and that’s been valuable.

New Year, Same Fabulosity!

I brought in the new year with my closest friends, good drinks, and loud music. I had the best time and needed a day of sleep to recover (alas, I don’t bounce back like I used to.) I’m still evolving my personal style. I’m still experimenting with colors. Still loving my frohawk. Still taking up space unabashedly. Trying to remember to take my own damn advice sometimes. Trying to remember to call people more, let folks know that I love them, let folks know that I care; no matter where my life takes me or how busy I get. Doing my best to support my friends’ events when I can make them, and sending them love, light, and good vibes when I can’t.

Valentine’s Day Slay

I’m still loving and recognizing my beauty. I am still remembering I deserve love. I am enjoying celebrating myself, and happy to have someone to spend holidays and love with.

It’s basically been a year of finding and nurturing love and relationships of both the romantic and platonic nature. It’s been a year of growing professionally and trying to find a space where both my soul and wallet are fulfilled equally. It’s been a year of trying to find balance.

I’m still working on the balance, but it’s definitely getting better.

Birthday trip to the National Aquarium in Baltimore!

By the time I was ready to celebrate year 32, the growth of the past year was at the forefront. The work I’ve done on myself, both by myself and with my therapist, has put me in a place where conflicts roll off my back. Uncertainty is always going to be present, but I have learned how to deal with it and keep moving forward. I’ve had to learn to forgive my past mistakes and let them go. I’ve had to constantly remind myself that “no” is a full sentence that does not require explanation or apology. I’ve had to be honest about people and situations that are toxic to me and give myself the space and permission to let both go without guilt. It’s work that has carried through to my personal new year.

Birthday dinner slay! Top and necklace from Old Navy.

Year 30 was good to me. Year 31 was even better. I welcomed year 32 with open arms, with open heart, with anticipation of the most wonderful times yet to come.

I’m back, y’all. Happy birthday to me.

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Three 2017 Movies with Awesome Fat Female Characters (and one from 2012 because why not)

Admittedly, I haven’t been great about keeping up with the Monthly Roundup feature.  I like having an overview of the fat characters I’m exposed to as part of my regular moviegoing, but something about its current format doesn’t feel quite right, and I’ve decided to shelve it until I’m more confident about what I’m doing with it.  However, I’m pleased to report that in the space of one short month (admittedly not a calendar month, but still), I have seen no less than four films with kickass fat female characters.  Most amazingly, I only sought out one of the four because I knew in advance that it had a fat female character; the others were complete surprises.  Check these out if you’re able.

Deidre and Laney Rob a Train (2017, dir. Sydney Freeland)

It’s not uncommon for a socially awkward protagonist high school girl to have a frenemy, someone in her social circle who is overly assertive and selfish, but gets away with it because of her social capital and ability to be manipulative. (Mean Girls. If it’s not patently obvious, I’m referencing Mean Girls.)  In a subplot, Laney (Rachel Crow) is strong-armed into auditioning for a beauty pageant by Claire (Brooke Markham), a Lady Macbeth-in-training who is determined to become Miss Iowa and wants Laney to make her look better by comparison.  Claire is ruthless, ambitious, struts around with a cute boy on her arm, and the film never so much as comments on the fact that she’s bigger than the other girls in the competition.  I don’t automatically cotton to fat female antagonists for merely existing, but considering that Claire’s threat to Laney is fueled by her confidence, social prowess, and beauty, it’s heartening that the role was given to a larger-bodied actress.

GLOW: The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (2012, dir. Brett Whitcomb)

A compelling documentary about the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, a short-lived tv phenomenon in the late 80s that helped legitimize women in the world of professional wrestling.  The film basically opens with footage from the tv show of two fat women, Mountain Fiji (Emily Dole) and Matilda the Hun (Dee Booher) throwing down in the ring. Although the other GLOW members featured in the documentary are thin and conventionally good-looking, Mt. Fiji and Matilda also stand out for their dedication to their craft.  The other women talk about their time with GLOW as a fun adventure they had in their youth, mostly sending them on to other careers.  As Matilda the Hun, a “glamazon” heel, Booehr views wrestling as her vocation, having struggled to wrestle in male-dominated venues long before being hired by GLOW, and continuing to wrestle long after it ends.  Dole, a former Olympic-level shot putter, doesn’t have a story quite as happy as the others– the present-day segments show her struggling with health problems– but her reunion with the rest of the GLOW cast shows that not only was she one of the main faces on the show, but that her castmates truly looked up to her as the heart of the phenomenon.

A scripted series based on GLOW is releasing this summer on Netflix… we’ll see if they fuck it up, I guess!

Mountain Fiji

Matilda the Hun

My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea (2017, dir. Dash Shaw)

I went into the theater thinking that the title was metaphorical, and I was dead wrong. Daria meets The Poseidon Adventure, with an inventive visual style along the lines of of Belladonna of Sadness.  Dash (Jason Schwartzman), our protagonist, is a self-centered sophomore who sees himself as the star journalist of the school’s newspaper.  He makes several comments about his best friend Assaf (Reggie Watts) being fat, but Assaf’s character design isn’t markedly different from the other not-fat characters.  Lunchlady Lorraine (Susan Sarandon), however, is drawn fatter than the other characters, and her size belies remarkable strength and ability.

Patti Cake$ (2017, dir. Geremy Jasper)

An underdog story about Patricia “Killa P” Dumbrowski (Danielle Macdonald),  a young woman from a working class town in northeast New Jersey who dreams of making it as a rapper.  Her best friend Jheri (Siddharth Dhananjay) encourages her to share her talent with the world, but she feels held back by a host of reasons, including her peers who deride her for her size.  Fatphobia isn’t the only problem she faces, though, and she channels her feelings her body– both anger at her haters and defiant pride in herself– into her lyrics.

Deidre and Laney Rob a Train and GLOW: the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling are on Netflix, My Entire High School Sinking into the Sea is currently in theaters, and Patti Cake$ is due for a wide release in July (I got to see it early thanks to the Chicago Critics Film Festival).

 

 

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Cyberhate Symposium – Can You Help?

Sometimes I can’t believe where the world has taken me.  Sometimes I have to stop, blink and ask myself whose life this is that I am living.  Sometimes I need to remind myself that I’m not a frightened kid who doesn’t fit in and that I have come so far in my 44 and bit years of life.

Being a vocal and public feminist and fat activist is never easy.  Families get angry, friends turn their back on you, you have to put up with a lot of ridiculous demands on your time and energy, people sometimes push you out in front of them to fight their battles for you, and it draws you a lot of abuse and harassment.  Abuse and harassment that you never would have had if you hadn’t put your head above the parapet and said “This is not acceptable.”

But that said, it has brought me to so much more than it has taken away.  I have found stronger friendships that give so much to me.  I’ve had so many amazing opportunities to work with incredibly talented and dedicated people, and it has given me a sense of confidence and accomplishment that I never had before.  So while it is not easy, it is always worth it.

And sometimes, the whole thing goes full circle – you engage in activism, it draws you harassment and abuse, amazing people who are also subjected to that harassment and abuse ask to work with you, and then new opportunities for activism come your way.  This is how I came to be involved with The Cyberhate Project.  Some time ago, I heard about Dr Emma Jane from the University of NSW and The Cyberhate Project and that she was conducting interviews with Australian women who had experienced online abuse and harassment.  Emma is doing some amazing work on this project and you may have already seen her book Misogyny Online, and if you’re in Australia, the TV series on the ABC, Cyberhate with Tara Moss.  Not to mention a whole slew of papers and events, more of which you can find out about here.

Recently, I was invited by Emma to participate in the upcoming Cyberhate Symposium, in Sydney in July.  After we discussed the possibilities of my attending, Emma has asked me to be one of the keynote speakers at the symposium, something that I consider a great honour.  Cue one of those “whose life is this?” moments!

I am planning on attending and speaking about my experiences with dealing with online abuse and harassment as a feminist and fat activist, with particular focus on the long term impact that it has on those of us who are subjected to it, and how far we have yet to push the law and technology to meet the changing nature of the abuse and harassment of women – both online and off.

However, financially I am not in a position where I can afford to cover my own costs to fly to Sydney and for accommodation.  This is where you come in dear reader – I am starting off a GoFundMe page to help me cover these costs.  In return, I hope to be able to publish my symposium piece here (or at least be able to share with you where it is published) and will write about the symposium here on my blog.  I hope to be able to network with other participants and that this may open up more opportunities for activism, so that we collectively may be able to shift how the abuse and harassment of women online (and off) is both viewed by society in general, and more specifically be part of making changes to the law and technology to protect women and other minorities, while also putting in place more suitable repercussions for those who do engage in this abuse and harassment.

I would also like to have a fatty meet up in Sydney while I am down there, so that we can both make community connections with each other and generally just hang out in our fabulous fatness together!

I don’t make money from my work as a feminist and fat activist, and a lot of the time it is a full time job on top of my day job.  I have consciously chosen not to monetise this blog and the only time ads appear are the ones that WordPress puts at the bottom of this page (which can be removed by signing up to WordPress and remaining signed in to that account BTW) which I receive no revenue from.

So it would mean a lot to me if any of you could help – particularly those who have stuck by me for about 9 years now of doing this work.   I have set up a GoFundMe page here, and if you can help me meet this goal – anything you can afford is definitely appreciated.

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