Sunday, 23 December 2018
Friday, 21 December 2018
Setting Boundaries – In Song!
One of the most frequent questions I get during the holidays is about how to deal with people – especially family – who are behaving badly: food policing, fat shaming, diet and weight loss talking and more.
For me the secret is boundaries. I think it’s best to start by deciding what constitutes behavior that you will put up with. If it’s anything other than “anything goes” then I would consider setting some boundaries with consequences that you can follow through with. So, for example “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave and we’ll try this again next year.” and then, if they fail to respect your boundaries, it’s time to invoke the consequences.
I’ve done this, and I’ve heard from a number of people who have done this and the common thread seems to be that we only had to do it one time and then our families started respecting their boundaries. Of course your mileage may vary. I’ve written about dealing with the Family and Friends Food Police and Combating Holiday Weight Shame, but in another danceswithfat annual tradition, today we’re going to do this in song.
I’ve re-written the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” to be an ode to boundary setting.
Note 1: In order for this to work, it helps to pronounce boundaries as a three syllable word (BOUND-ah-rees) I also play with the rhythms within the phrases (I had what felt like 27 semesters of music theory in college, this is what I’m doing with it.) If this is an affront to your sense of poetic license I completely understand, I’ll be back soon with a post sans song.
Note 2: At the bottom you’ll find two amazing renditions of this song by Jeanette DePatie and Nadja. Please also feel free to add your own verses in the comments, and/or post a video with your own rendition and it will become a part of this annual tradition.
And with that I give you:
Oh Boundaries (to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Don’t talk about my weight or food.
Why can’t you see it’s hella rude?
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
You know I love my family
But I will leave if you fat-shame me.
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
My body’s fine, I don’t need your rants
You’re not the boss of my underpants
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Don’t say a word to my fat kid
Or I’ll leave so fast, my tires will skid
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Yes I do “need” that second plate
It’s not your business what I ate
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Quit saying someday I’ll get sick
Last time I checked you were not psychic
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
The holidays are great family time
If you don’t shame, food-police or whine
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Two Readers (so far – hint, hint) have taken up the challenge of recording this piece, enjoy!
Jeanette DePatie gave us an amazing opera/jazz rendition:
and Nadja killed it a capella in the middle of the night in her PJs:
Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.
Like this blog? Here’s more cool stuff:
The Bundle Up! Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with bundles that include books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)
Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective. This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)
Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!
Book and Dance Class Sale! I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
via Dances With Fat http://bit.ly/2RhRQG9
Thursday, 20 December 2018
HAES Heroes: Joanne Ikeda
 |
| Joanne Pakel Ikeda |
Joanne Pakel Ikeda died on November 27, 2018 at age 74. She was a faculty member of the Nutritional Sciences Department at the University of California, Berkeley, for nearly 35 years. She helped students gain knowledge and skills in nutrition education and counseling.
She was well-known for her advocacy for the Health At Every Size model. In fact, she and Frances Berg coined the phrase. From her obituary:
Joanne was known for her role in the development of a new approach to weight management entitled Health at Every Size® (HAES). Mid-career she came to the conclusion that subjecting large people to food restriction, body dissatisfaction, and size discrimination was futile and only resulted in physical, psychological and social damage to these individuals. She and others determined that rather than focus on weight, the focus needed to be on health. Research showed that many large people could improve all aspects of health with lifestyle modifications unaccompanied by weight loss.The idea to focus on health instead of weight was a radical, transformative notion in the field of nutrition and medicine and turned the field on its ear. While it has gained a great deal of traction, HAES sadly remains radical to many in those fields, but she never backed down. She was especially determined to protect children from becoming casualties in the “war on obesity” by promoting a Health at Every Size approach for them instead. Here is one of the posters she lent her support to.
Joanne fought hard for size acceptance for all ages and spoke at many conferences and other occasions about Health At Every Size. She worked with NAAFA (National Association for Fat Acceptance), which is where I met her. She helped establish ASDAH, the Association for Size Diversity and Health. She backed up her beliefs with action by testifying before the San Francisco Board of Supervisors about an ordinance banning size discrimination in employment, housing, adoptions, jury selection and other domains. That took guts.
Joanne did not just specialize in weight-related issues. She also studied the nutritional habits of various ethnic groups, immigrants, and low-income people in California and developed culturally sensitive nutrition education materials. She was a visionary in her field in many ways.
She accrued so many honors, I will only list a few here. She served as President of the California Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, then was elected President of the Society for Nutrition Education and Behavior. She was co-founder of the UC Berkeley Center for Weight and Health. In 2018 she received the Helen Denning Ullrich Award for Lifetime Excellence in Nutrition Education.
I had the honor and pleasure of hearing Joanne speak in person and getting to chat with her afterwards. She was a warm, unassuming person, but she also knew her research and her points were evidence-based. She was very modest and humble but she also knew how to make a vehement rhetorical point when needed and wasn't hesitant to call out medical professionals on their assumptions and errors. She gave me lots of warmth and encouragement for my work on pregnancy in women of size, which was much appreciated as pregnancy is very much an overlooked area in HAES and size acceptance. As a parent, I particularly appreciated her advocacy for higher weight children in the midst of virulent anti-obesity public health campaigns.
Joanne Ikeda was a god-send to the size acceptance community and people of size, and we will sorely miss her presence and influence. Our hearts go out to her family and friends.
Resources
Obituary: https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sfgate/obituary.aspx?n=joanne-ikeda&pid=190873802
Articles:
via The Well-Rounded Mama http://bit.ly/2QJNGax
Tuesday, 18 December 2018
Are You Accidentally Ruining the Holidays for Fat Friends and Family?
I spend a lot of time helping fat people deal with the bullshit fat shaming that comes our way daily, and that often escalates at the holidays (whether we celebrate them or not.) I try to be clear that these things are not our fault, even though they become our problem and that the problem isn’t fat people, it’s fat shaming. So today I wanted to take a second to talk directly to on purpose fat shamers, accidental fat shamers, and potential fat shamers – however well-meaning they may be – about how they can stop the problem before it even starts at the holidays, and all year long!
Don’t give a weight loss or “health” gift
Don’t give a gym membership, diet club membership, “healthy meal” delivery etc. unless the person has very specifically asked for it. Including and especially if you’re only assuming that they don’t already do or have these things because of your stereotypes about fat people, or as a passive-aggressive hint that you think they may “need” the gift. Instead, if you want to give a gift, consider choosing something based on the person’s actual likes and interests rather than stereotypes and fat shaming. Or maybe a nice gift certificate.
Don’t be the food police
Don’t monitor, comment on, or concern yourself in any way with fat people’s (or any sized people’s) food choices at parties, holiday dinners or, hey, ever. If we need the food police, we’ll call Pie-1-1. If you feel like you might have to deal with the Family and Friends Food Police, here are some tips. If you want some ideas to help when you see this kind of food shaming, check here.
Don’t give a fat-shaming card
Way too many fat people get cards with some version of “We love you and we want you to lose weight because we want you to be around a long time.” If you honestly can’t figure out why “Happy Holidays! Please don’t die of fat because mourning you would be a major bummer for us” isn’t an appropriate message for a holiday card, then please just take my word for it this is a bad idea. And also, consider that giving cards may not be for you. The person to whom you deliver this little Hallmark moment may be able to defend themselves in court successfully with “Your Honor, they needed a killin’” This happened to my partner a few years ago and we chose to cut ties with the relatives completely, about which it seems they are upset. Bad behavior can have undesired consequences for everyone, don’t put your fat friends and family in this position.
Don’t engage in diet talk or negative body talk
This suggestion isn’t just to help fat guests, but also for guests of any size who may be dealing with eating disorders, or guests who are interested in conversations that aren’t boring as hell. Find something else to talk about than why you are or are not eating what you are or are not eating. Skip the 5 minute soliloquy on what you feel you have to do to punish yourself for eating pie, and ask somebody at the party to tell you about themselves instead, or go watch TV, or play on your phone, whatever.
Don’t comment on body size changes
Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like knowing that your relatives are monitoring your body. You might think it’s a compliment to ask if someone has lost weight but that question is super loaded – perhaps they’ve lost weight because of illness, grief, medication, an eating disorder, or something else unwanted or unintentional. Perhaps they are uncomfortable with having their body size made into a topic for discussion (maybe because it’s hella inappropriate…) Perhaps they haven’t lost weight and, however well-intentioned you may be, they take it as backhanded or passive-aggressive. (Or perhaps you intended it to be backhanded or passive-aggressive in which case you’re being an ass, won’t you please be a dear, and knock that shit off.) If you want some suggestions for wading through the tricky world of weight loss compliments (like what to do when someone tells you’ve they’ve lost weight and then looks at you expectantly), you’ll find that here.
Don’t stage some kind of weight loss intervention
This should be a big pile of obvious in an obvious box with an obvious bow, but every year some asshat who wants to be thought of as “brave” writes an article about how the holidays are the perfect time to fat shame your relatives “for their own good.” First of all, people’s weight and health (two different things) aren’t your business unless they ask you to make them your business. Even if you don’t believe that, the holidays are definitely not the time to do this. And if you feel that you have to do this at the holidays because it’s the only time you see that person, then consider how relevant you really are in their lives and whether you have any business doing this at all. Then don’t. Just don’t. Do Not. Don’t. Trust me when I tell you, you are not The Fat Person Whisperer.
Did you like this post? If you apprecieate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.
Like this blog? Here’s more cool stuff:
The Bundle Up! Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with bundles that include books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)
Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective. This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)
Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!
Book and Dance Class Sale! I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
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Monday, 17 December 2018
Adorable Dogs Teach Us How To Beat Holiday Food-Shaming
As some people are celebrating holidays that include things like chocolate, candy, and feasts, I am seeing a ton of food shaming, food policing, and food moralizing. All of this is crap, for the reasons I explain here, but I thought what I would do today is give you some options for response. Note, today’s responses are in pictures (mostly starring our adorable dogs – you can click on them to enlarge them) If you are looking for verbal responses, head over here.
Did you like this post? If you apprecieate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.
Like this blog? Here’s more cool stuff:
The Bundle Up! Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with bundles that include books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)
Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective. This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)
Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!
Book and Dance Class Sale! I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
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Thursday, 13 December 2018
Saturday, 8 December 2018
How to Find a Chiropractor in Pregnancy: Part Two
We have been discussing chiropractic care in pregnancy and how it can be helpful towards a more comfortable pregnancy and possibly a more efficient labor and birth.
Many people are interested in seeing a chiropractor, but some know nothing about how to find a good chiropractor for pregnancy.
Basically, all chiropractors receive some training in treating pregnant women, so you could see most chiropractors and get at least some help. However, some chiropractors are more highly trained in pregnancy than others and you are probably better off with those.
Your best bet is to find a chiropractor who is trained in the Webster Technique, which is a specific protocol that looks at the alignment of the sacrum and pelvis and the balancing of soft tissues (muscles, ligaments) around it:
The Webster technique is a specific chiropractic analysis and diversified adjustment. The goal of the adjustment is to reduce the effects of subluxation and/or SI [sacroiliac] joint dysfunction. In so doing neurobiomechanical function in the sacral/pelvic region is improved.The Webster Technique is not just for pregnant people, but can be applied to any weight-bearing person. However, its focus on relieving restrictions in the pelvis and restoring balance to the soft tissues in the area may be particularly very useful for pregnancy.
Chiropractors who have extra training in working with pregnant people can be found in several ways. There are several chiropractic professional organizations, and they can be a good place to start your search. These organizations are similar in many ways, but may have differences of opinion on certain philosophies or treatments, etc.
The International Chiropractic Pediatric Association (ICPA) has a list of chiropractors who specialize in working with kids and pregnant mothers, or who have completed a training course in Webster's Technique, which addresses the specific needs of the pregnant body.
You can find a pediatric chiropractor with the ICPA at http://icpa4kids.org/Find-a-Chiropractor/.
However, this is not a complete list of all the chiropractors who are certified in the Webster Technique. The chiropractors on this list are ones who have asked to be put on this referral list. There may well be other chiropractors in your area who have been trained in the Webster Technique but did not sign up for this list. You can call the ICPA and ask if there are others in your area trained in the Webster Technique.
According to the ICPA website, the ICPA has created a tiered level of training. The first level is "Webster-Certified," which means extra class time beyond the chiropractic degree specializing in the Webster Technique for pregnancy. It is often the starting point for even more advanced training.
The next level is Pediatric Certification, but there are several levels of this. Some program participants have the initials F.I.C.P.A after their names, and undergo 120 hours of continuing education. Other participants undergo an expanded program of 200 hours and have the initials, C.A.C.C.P., after their names. The highest level of training is the Pediatric Diplomate, which requires 400 hours of continuing education, and these chiropractors have the initials D.A.C.C.P. after their names.
The International Chiropractic Association (ICA) has a Council on Pediatric Chiropractics. Their focus is on treating children, but their definition of "pediatrics" includes in-utero babies so they treat pregnant women as well. Many of these ICA members have gone on to become Board Certified in chiropractic pediatrics in a 3-year post-graduate course of over 360 hours. These chiropractors have "D.I.C.C.P." after their names as well as "D.C." Look here for lists of those with a DICCP diploma.
The ICA also has a list of members who are trained chiropractors who are interested in and specialize in children, but who may or may not have the further training that a "DICCP" diplomate has. Some of the chiropractors on this list are in the process of working on the DICCP diplomate program but have not finished it yet. Regardless, they may be excellent possibilities as well.
In addition, the ICA can be reached at 1 (800) 423-4690 to ask for referrals in person. Ask for a pediatric chiropractor who knows the Webster Technique.
Not everyone who is certified in Webster's Technique is going to be on the ICA or ICPA lists, but they are good first places to start looking. If you can't find anyone in your area from these lists, it doesn't mean there is no one to help you. Keep looking; many women who initially think there is no one in their area who can help them do eventually find help. It just may not be from the above sources.
One of the best ways to find a Webster-certified chiropractor is to try calling your local homebirth midwives, childbirth educators, and doulas and asking for a recommendation. Often they are familiar with the healthcare professionals in the area that offer pregnancy-related services and can recommend the best ones to you, saving you a lot of time and trouble.
If you cannot find a chiropractor trained in the Webster Technique in your area, you could consider a chiropractor who has extensive experience with pregnant women. Even basic chiropractic care may help enough to make a difference in your comfort level. But if you have a choice, someone trained in the Webster technique is probably preferable.
In some areas, chiropractors can be hard to find. If all else fails, try cold-calling all the chiros and/or osteopaths in your area. Ask them:
- If they have experience and training in treating pregnant women (and what that training might be)
- How much of their practice is devoted to pregnant women and babies
- What kind of special equipment they have for accommodating the growing belly of pregnant women
- If they have been trained in either Webster Technique, the pelvic "diaphragmatic release," or any other technique which might be especially helpful to a pregnant person
- If they have not been trained in any of these techniques and/or are not experienced with pregnant women, do they know of any chiropractors in the area who are?
Remember, all chiropractors are not alike. Some use pretzel adjustments by twisting and turning the patient's body. Some use a drop table to give a little bit of extra force to the adjustment without having to push on the patient as hard. Some use an activator, a spring-loaded small tool that exerts less force for those who dislike traditional adjustments. Some do hands-on work so subtle it's hard to know they are doing anything. There are many, many techniques and styles out there.
Keep your "quackometer" on alert and don't be afraid to try a different chiropractor if one doesn't seem right to you, if the treatment seems unreasonable or ineffective to you, or if they seem too profit-driven. If one chiropractor doesn't work well for you, it doesn't mean that none will. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the one that fits you and your needs.
If in the end you decide that chiropractic care is not for you, that is a perfectly legitimate choice as well. Many women go through pregnancy without chiropractic care and do just fine. But if you have lots of back pain, pelvic pain, or a history of falls and/or accidents, it may be worth searching a little harder to find the right chiropractor for your needs.
Although I didn't really experience much significant back problems before pregnancy, once I was pregnant I began to have tremendous back pain, sciatica, and pubic symphysis pain, probably from a series of minor car accidents years before. My care providers shrugged my pain off as a normal part of pregnancy, but by the end of my second pregnancy I could hardly walk at times. This certainly didn't seem normal to me, so I decided to consider a chiropractor.
My search for a chiropractor was long and involved. At the time, there were no lists from the ICA or the ICPA to check, and the local chiros I consulted did not even know about the Webster Technique. I saw several different chiros or osteopaths (D.O.s) over the years, looking for some help. It took a long time to find the right one.
In my third pregnancy, I stepped up the effort to find some help. None of the doctors or midwives I saw knew of anyone who knew the Webster Technique. I saw an osteopath who had never heard of the Webster Technique, told me my back and pelvis were fine despite all my pain, and was basically no help.
My prenatal yoga teacher in that pregnancy eventually mentioned a chiropractor who used a less forceful "Network" technique for adjustments and who specialized in sacrum pain. I decided that this was better than nothing and saw this chiro. These treatments did not really help much but he happened to know of a young chiropractor in the area who was in the process of getting her DICCP diplomate from the ICA, so he referred me to her.
Amazingly, this chiro had just learned the Webster Technique at a recent class session and was able to help me out. She was shocked at how badly my back and pelvis were out of alignment. My back and pubic symphysis pain improved greatly within an hour or two after treatment. Although we weren't trying to turn the baby with the adjustment, the baby turned from posterior to anterior within an hour after the adjustment, the first time any of my babies had been anterior in three pregnancies. I went on to have a few more appointments in that pregnancy to keep things aligned and fine tune everything. Two weeks later, my baby was born by VBAC, Vaginal Birth After Cesarean.
My third labor and birth was SO much easier than my first two. In my first pregnancy, I had pushed for 2 hours with a malpositioned baby, then had a cesarean. In my second pregnancy, I had pushed for 5 hours with a posterior baby, then had a cesarean. In this pregnancy, I pushed for 12 minutes and the baby was born. He was born so quickly the doctor didn't even make it to the birth; the nurse had to catch the baby. I attribute the relative ease of this birth to the chiropractic care and the fact that the baby had turned to anterior, unlike my previous babies.
In my fourth pregnancy, I tried an ICPA-trained chiro who was located much closer to home because I was tired of the long drive to my usual chiropractor. The new chiro was perfectly nice and very competent, but she didn't "get" my body and was not able to give much relief. So even though this chiropractor knew the Webster Technique, was very well-trained and knowledgeable, and was certified through the ICPA, she wasn't the right chiropractor for me.
I gave birth to my ten-pound baby (a pound bigger than my cesarean babies) with just 24 minutes of pushing. I'm sure it was not all due to just chiropractic care, but I do believe that a lot of it was. I was glad I had persevered in my chiropractic search.
Summary
Finding a good chiropractor for pregnancy is not always easy. Just as not every OB or midwife is equally effective for everyone, it's important to find a chiropractor that "gets" your body, uses techniques that you find helpful, and is always respectful and responsive to your concerns.
Don't just stop at the first chiro you find, try it once, and then conclude that chiropractic care is not for you. Try out several different styles if you can. If you can't do that, get the advice of local midwives and doulas because they often know the very best people in the area to recommend. Their guidance can save you a lot of time and effort. Remember, just as with an OB or midwife, it's all about finding a provider who is compatible with you.
My own story shows the importance of searching for the practitioner who is right for you. The first chiros and osteopaths I tried were not able to help me. Had the ICA or ICPA lists been available then, my original pregnancy chiro would not have been listed because she was still in the process of training. An ICPA-trained chiro that I tried later looked great on paper but was not effective for me. The chiros I saw saw for the fourth pregnancy were not listed because neither of them is a DICCP diplomate ─ but they were trained by a DICCP diplomate and so were familiar with the techniques needed. The chiropractor that was the closest and most convenient to me did not turn out to be the best chiropractor for my body. It took quite a bit of "shopping around" to find a chiro that worked well for my needs, but in the end it was well worth the work.
There are no easy or quick answers to searching for a good chiropractor for pregnancy. If at first you don't find a Webster Technique chiropractor, keep trying. If the chiro you try at first doesn't seem able to help you or you don't get good results with them, be willing to try others. Good and bad chiros are all over; lists can be a good place to start your search but ultimately they don't tell you much about the quality of the chiropractors themselves.
Nothing substitutes for actually trying something and keeping the search up till you find one that really clicks with your needs.
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