THIS FAT OLD LADY’S FAT FRIDAY – NEW DIKKE DAME DOLL – SHE’S A WITCH

My latest Dikke Dame (fat lady) doll – She’s a Witch!

(Because representation matters – even in dolls!)

Dikke Dame Doll – She’s a Witch

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THIS FAT OLD LADY’S FAT FRIDAY – WHY HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE IS IMPORTANT

THIS FAT OLD LADY’S FAT FRIDAY – WHY HAES IS IMPORTANT

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It came from the search terms

In the tradition of Captain Awkward I’m going to treat the search terms people used to find the site as questions.

im 400lbs is it too late for me to get healthy? 

This is completely up to you and to how you view health. If you are sedentary, you can probably be more active, and ideally have fun with it.  Depending on how you eat, you may want to add more veggies or whatever makes your body feel better – The Fat Nutritionist may be able to help with that as well. Research has found that focusing on eating healthy foods and being active can reduce blood pressure and cholesterol as well as psychological benefits. This is called a “Health At Every Size” approach, and focuses on improving health. 

If you mean thinner, then that’s a different question. Medicare’s Search for Effective Obesity Treatments: Diets Are Not the Answer (PDF) by UCLA reviews 31 studies on diets and recommended that Medicare not cover diet programs because they are not effective enough to be worth Medicare coverage.

350lb flying cross country?

OK. That sounds like a lot of time to sit still. It’s probably going to be uncomfortable. 

if i weigh 450 pounds do i need an extra airline seat? 

Very likely. Airlines have some choice on how many seats they squeeze into a plane. Seat Guru has information on seat sizes by plane and airline so you can check. One method is to check the size of the seat, then measure chairs to see what the airline seats will be like.  Note the “pitch” is the distance between seats, and affects how much legroom there is. 

If you do need an additional seat, you will probably have to call the airline to make the reservation, and the airline will probably warn you the seats may not be together. Yes, this is a problem.  

More on this: 

• Flying while 400lbs
• Day in the life: Buying Plane Tickets

what can a fat person spray on body to prevent yeast?

I have mostly rely on baby powder (cornstarch) to prevent chafing and yeast infections under my belly. Anti-jock itch spray like Lotramin can work as well.  Lately I’ve been experimenting with Fresh Breasts lotion, which dries as a powder.  This can be easier to apply than a powder.  

 

 

 

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Weight Watchers Continues To Spew Waste

I probably don’t need to say I think Weight Watcher’s app for kids is poised to mess up kids’ lives.  That research shows dieting leads to long-term weight gain. Or that disordered eating is often dieting with a different name.

But if you are looking for more info:

• EATER: Weight Watchers Debuts an App That Could Screw Up Your Kid’s Relationship With Food for Life
• The Mary Sue: Why Would Weight Watchers Ever Think Making a Weight Loss App for Kids Is a Good Idea?
• NJ.com: Wake up, Weight Watchers, say critics of Kurbo, its weight-loss app for kids
• Yahoo! :Weight Watchers’ weight loss app for kids and teens draws criticism online

Diets don’t work, let’s stop.

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Retirement

My last job was at Amazon, as a QA Engineer. “It was fine until it wasn’t” is one summary. “It was a good distraction from the stress of my dad’s failing health so I could keep balance, but fell apart after other losses and health crap that made me not care about work much” is another.

The “stopped caring” was a big part for me. I tend to do my best software work when I can hyperfocus on what I’m doing and ignore everything else. Over time I got more responsibilities and was expected to keep more balls in the air…which doesn’t feed hyperfocus well.

Anyway, last day was in June.  A bit less than a week later, episode 103 of Productivity Alchemy came out.  The interview was with Star Picucci, talking about her end of full-time employment.  (This bit is about 23:30 minutes into the podcast)

I was a PeopleSoft developer until February, when due to the vagaries of government contracts I was no longer a PeopleSoft developer, and I was I was aggravated about it. I had hoped to retire in about 2 years, and so I called my financial advisor, I talked to my husband, I crunched a bunch of numbers, and said: Do I have to deal with this bullshit or can I just NOT work?

Star clarified she’s sort of on “trial retirement” while they see if the numbers really work.  What stood out to me, though, was how her reaction was like my reaction when I had been handed an Amazon Pivot paperwork.  Oh, if I leave you give me over 3 months’ severance and skip the PIP? Gee, let me think.   I occasionally have a nagging voice pointing out that I could’ve gone on medical leave and see how that changed things but … too much glee over the idea of leaving.  I was ready to run away.

So yeah, we’ll see how the money goes. I’ve been maxing out the 401(k) and saving a good amount each year. I’ve been using COBRA to follow up on some health things I’d been putting off. I will probably be blogging more here, and I’m sending out some article pitches. But that’s the big thing that I’m coming to terms with.

 

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THIS FAT OLD LADY’S FAT FRIDAY – I CALL BS ON “SHITTY” RESEARCH

This Fat Old Lady Calls BS on Shitty Research

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Weight Watchers Is Harming Kids For Money

Weight Watchers (or WW as they’re trying to rebrand themselves, as if it changes their legacy of harming fat people for money) has launched a new app for children ages 8-17 called Kurbo. I’ve had a few hundred requests to write about it, but it took me a while because I’ve been in a rage coma ever since I learned that, upon hearing from eating disorder experts that this app would harm children, Weight Watchers CEO, Mindy Grossman, responded by saying “It actually strengthened our resolve and made us offensive.” (Trust me when I tell you Mindy, you were already offensive.)

So this is your “Tldr” – experts told Weight Watchers that they are going to hurt kids, and their response was “that just makes us want to do it more.” If that doesn’t convince you of that plain fact that Weight Watchers is a dumpster fire in every dumpster in a factory that manufactures industrial-sized dumpsters, it’s not likely that anything will. Still, there’s more to know here.

First, it’s important to understand that Weight Watchers built their business model with the full understanding that most people lose weight short term while dieting, but that in the long term almost everyone gains the weight back on matter what they do, with a majority gaining back more than they lost.

Their marketing “genius” was in finding a way to take credit for the first part of that biological response, and getting their clients (and everyone else) to blame themselves for the second part, and thus be duped into returning to Weight Watchers to start the cycle again. That created the base of a business model that guaranteed the repeat business they needed to succeed wildly.

Having had success with that model since 1963, until a few years ago people finally wised up, their stock took a dive and they went to desperate measures, including their ridiculous rebrand and their choice to target young children to try to create life-long customers.

Their most recent, and possibly most horrific, attempt at a money grab is to launch this app aimed at kids ages 8-17. The app starts with a seven-day free trial, but for kids to continue with their personalized coach, the monthly subscription fee starts at $69 a month. (The adult version of Weight Watchers online with coaching is $54.95/month)

Let’s look at some facts that are pertinent here:

• 95% of those with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25 (SAMHSA)
• 40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming overweight. This concern endures through life. (Smolak, 2011)
• Among high-school students, 44% of females and 15% of males attempted to lose weight. (Serdula et al., 1993)
• 35% of “normal dieters” progress to pathological dieting. Of those, 20-25% progress to partial or full-syndrome eating disorders. (Shisslak & Crago, 1995)
• Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors (ex, skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, purging) (Neumark-Sztainer, 2005)
• In a decade we saw a 119% increase in eating disorder hospitalizations in kids UNDER TWELVE.
  

Hence those, uh, warnings from eating disorder experts that made Weight Watchers reeeeaaaaallllyyyyy super very much extra excited to do this.

Maybe (in a perfectly reasonable but entirely misguided attempt to feel better about this) you’re thinking to yourself – I’m sure this isn’t about dieting, I’m sure they are just trying to encourage healthy behaviors.

Well, think again, here’s a screenshot that a blog reader sent to me:

[TEXT:
How do I plan for red light foods?

“I know there will be red light foods at my friend’s birthday party on Saturday.”

E.g. of  3-step game plan

1. Wake up early to workout (60 minutes minimum)

2. Aim to consume no red light foods until you arrive at the party.

3. Decide how many red lights you reasonably want to budget for the party ahead of time.

Tip 4: remember 3 servings of a yellow ligt food = 1 red. ]

 

 

Before we break this down, I think it’s important to note that Weight Watchers doesn’t have any evidence that any of this will make or keep kids thin. There are no studies that show any method of eating and exercising that predicts thin kids, research from the University of Minnesota found that “None of the behaviors being used by adolescents (in 1999) for weight-control purposes predicted weight loss[in 2006]…Of greater concern were the negative outcomes associated with dieting and the use of unhealthful weight-control behaviors.” Even the thoroughly-steeped-in-fatphobia American Academy of Pediatrics advised doctors and parents to avoid conversations about weight and focus on being healthy instead.

I also think it’s important to point out that the target ages of the app also include the typical ages of puberty, during which an average weight gain of 40 to 60 pounds is expected. Scenario: a kid who has been trying to manipulate their weight with this app for five years – since they were 8 years old – experiences sudden weight gain. I’m sure that won’t cause any problems at all, right? (Sarcasm meter is an 11 out of 10 here.)

Ok, so let’s talk about this absolute disaster, starting with the fact that Weight Watchers thinks third graders should be making three-step plans to attend birthday parties.

The app divides foods up into “stop-light” categories of green (“Go!”), yellow (“Slow Down!”, and red (“STOP and Think!”) (Exclamation points and capitalization strategy are verbatim from Kurbo which, as you probably already guess, I will not be linking to.)

Dividing food into categories like this is a red flag for disordered eating, but it’s pretty clear at this point that Weight Watchers doesn’t care. It’s also an issue for kids who are food insecure and other kids who may have limited options for what to eat for whom just getting enough nutrition to survive can be an issue. (Let’s remember that most kids are not in charge of the foods to which they have access.)

Note that step 1 of the plan says to workout for “60 minutes MINIMUM” (emphasis mine) So, again, we’re telling 8-year-olds that in order to eat some cake at a birthday party, they must earn the right through exercise of at least an hour. This is a three-fer of harm:

1. It creates the belief that one has to earn the right to eat through movement which is, you guessed it,  a red flag for disordered eating.
2. It creates a “never enough” belief around exercise. Suggesting that kids as young as 8 should lose sleep to force themselves through an hour or more of exercise that is not by choice or for fun is ludicrous.
3. It sets kids up to see exercise as prevention of and/or punishment for not being thin, which gives them an excellent chance of learning to resent movement and exercise – especially since kids come in lots of sizes, and this app will never change that.

Which brings us to a fact that should be obvious – the app will harm every kid who uses it and every kid who knows about it,  but it will do the most harm to fat kids (who are already trying to navigate a fatphobic world) both because it will be another tool to marginalize them, and because they are unlikely to change their body size so it will be seen as another alleged “failure” to attain thinness, which never should have been a goal in the first place.

The marketing for the app includes “before and after” photos of children, so that if kids aren’t sure what kind of bodies they should hate (be it their own body, or other kids) they can check the before pictures to make sure.

I’m already hearing stories from blog readers about parents who are actually bribing their kids to use the app with, for example, a phone. Which tells fat kids that in order to “deserve” what everyone else has – the ability to connect and communicate with their social network (which actually IS tied to health,) they first need to be thin, or at least commit to trying to be. That’s a lesson that will continue to harm them for the rest of their lives if they internalize it.

I’ve been doing this work for over a decade and have heard hundreds, if not thousands, of stories of people whose lives have been harmed by Weight Watchers. And now they want us to hand them our kids. Say no. Fight Back. Teach your kids that the world is mess up, but they are fine.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

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WHEN FATTIES LOSE WEIGHT

Sorry this didn’t get posted on Friday, but we were out of town, and I am not sufficiently computer-wise to set it up in advance.

This Fat Old Lady’s Fat Friday – When A Fatty Loses Weight

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In Love with an eShakti Dress!

Have you ever purchased an item of clothing that was not your usual style, yet you were for some reason very attracted to this garment and had to have it? Yeah, I did that! And holy shitballs am I in love with this dress! When I first saw it I loved the print but the peplum thing I just never even tried before. I was hesitant af! I think I even put off buying it because I was so uncertain of it looking right for me. I’m at the point where I have a pretty darn good idea what styles and cuts of dresses work best for me and this didn’t check any of my boxes. Then they had a ridiculously great sale…So I went for it!

Prepare yourselves! (If you even can!) I was really feelin’ myself in this dress. I wore it to work that day and even though I ran around the entire day, I got tons of compliments, and the dress was comfortable as hell! I love it soooooo much!!!

You aren’t ready!!!

But here we goooo…

Impish? Perhaps.

Femme fatale? You better believe it!

Boss ass bitch?! Yeppers!

Sultry seductress? When it tickles me.

Positive Posey? Sometimes!

Gallant goofball? Uhhhhhhyuuup!

Tantalizing Trixie? When I wanna be!

“I just can’t fight this feeling anymooooooore”

Spreadin’ my wings…I guess?!

I call this one, “Is that my boob?”

And this one, “Is that my feet?” Ha-ha!

And maybe I had a glass of wine after a really long fucking day and decided to just laugh at it all in the end…HA!

Unfortunately, I no longer see it on their site though I only bought it a couple of weeks ago. But here’s what it looked like on their site (with my custom measurements listed if you’re into that sort of thing – and yeah it was on sale and I had a gift card).

If you’ve been hesitant to try eShakti because you can’t try stuff on, I get it, but they do custom sizing for $10 more than the regular price. Sometimes they even run free customizing deals! I’ve been a customer for nearly ten years and I’m hooked! I never wore dresses before I started buying from them. Their customer service is excellent beyond my American belief! Returns? Not a problem! They even give you a lil’ more than your purchase price if you choose store credit! How cool is that?! If you wanna give it a go, here’s my referral info below, but please feel free to hit me up directly with question you may have.

The eShakti customer can refer any non-customer to eShakti, by giving a personalized referral code. The code itself has been kept simple and will essentially be the name of the referrer.

The referral code entitles the new customer to additional $15 OFF over & above the new customer offer of 33% OFF on the first purchase.

The referrer gets a $25 gift card when the referred order is shipped to the new customer.

Your personalized referral code: SARAHREDMAN

The moral of this silly fashion story is to go ahead and push yourself out of your fashion comfort zone from time to time. You might just surprise yourself with a new love!

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Instagram & Facebook!

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (You can listen straight from the web, too!)

Donate to this blog here: https://ift.tt/2zKvPnQ

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it!

I also have an Instagram, though I don’t post much, I have been trying to: https://ift.tt/1NpWevR

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

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It’s Friday, I’m Pooped!

Wheeeeew! This week, y’all! This week has entirely kicked my ass so that I’m already too exhausted for next week! Ha-ha! Seriously, though, I am so burnt out from this week’s pace and chaotic activities (at work) that I may try to talk a colleague into covering for me on Monday! UGH! That is not typical for me at all. But I also know when I’ve had enough and lemme tell ya…I’ve had ENOUGH!

This morning I woke up with part of my face swollen! I was exhausted though I slept pretty good for a spell. I don’t know what could have caused the swelling but it’s almost okay now. I got ready for work and was already running late when I went to grab my keys out of my purse and saw that damned mouse/rat had eaten 1/4th of the banana I left in it and it shit in my fucking purse! I wanted to scream and cry and stomp my feet! But I had to go to work so I cleaned it up, cursing the entire time, and ran out the door. Didn’t even have time for coffee. *Whimper*

Then on the way in I had a terrifying thought that I had forgotten to order lunch for my office today. Luckily I didn’t forget and my boss even confirmed the other day, unbeknownst to me. We’re a great team, though. Ha-ha! Mind you, I set up three different events this week plus today’s lunch that I will also have to clean up. On top of all of my usual things and projects. I feel like a madwoman! I do enjoy the pace most of the time, though. This week just happened to be break-neck!

One event I actually got to attend and enjoy was a paint and wine night! I had always wanted to do one but friends have been flaky or not interested and so never had the chance. Always felt odd to go alone, though I think they do singles events now, I’m too shy (maybe) for that. Ha-ha! But I enjoyed myself thoroughly and entirely and even feel sort of proud of my lil’ painting. It was fascinating to see how everyone was painting the same thing yet they all came out very different and lovely! I was blown away!

I did try my best to start the week off right. I even went to the salon to get a trim I’d been putting off for ages! I didn’t realize that my usual stylist, the salon owner, was on vacation. I was nervous about someone new cutting my hair, but I’m happy. Look at my ridiculous makeup-less face!

They always straighten my hair when they cut it but I don’t mind, just feels fancy for a day. Ha-ha! I don’t normally do anything to my hair at all but wash, condition, brush, go! Or put in a bun to sleep, wake up shake it out, go! I spend more time on my eyebrows than my hair on a typical day. I am fortunate to have good hair genes, I suppose, but had you said such a thing to me in previous years I would have laughed and argued. My stylist got me to finally love my hair’s natural texture last year and now there’s no going back!

My lil’ babyman! I think he’s bored of the heat. It’s been too hot some days to go for our usual walk, so we try to play in the house for a bit. I snapped this pic as he was pouncing on his chew toy and just looked up with those lil’ teefers! Irresistible!

I’m mostly happy, y’all. It’s weird, and it’s not like I’m perfectly contended in every way or anything. Lots of room for improvement…like getting rid of stupid mouse/rat, ugh! But honestly there’s not much more I could ask for at the moment. Time is just flying and life does keep on moving and well, I’m here for all of it! I’m also in love with this plant in our lobby at work.

The couch is gorgeous (I picked it out, thanks) but I was more focused on the plant when I snapped this pic. Ha! It’s just so dreamy to me for some reason. My lil’ patio plants department is doing just swell, too! I finally figured out my hose situation and have been tending to my lil’ garden each week and I am really enjoying it. I do occasionally wish I had a person to sit with on my patio and just enjoy their company. I just started reading Great Expectations though, so I will be on my patio for a stretch this weekend for sure! It’s no paradise but it certainly feels like my own private oasis at times.

I did also make some decent progress on organizing my bedroom. Unfortunately, the clothes rack that I had repaired myself broke again and now I don’t know what to do with it. I love it but it’s not cheap to replace and I can’t figure out how to mend it. UGH! Kind of waiting on my next paycheck to go to Ikea to get some things I really need/want. I can get a cheaper clothes rack there but I know I will spend quite a bit so I’ll keep my repair dreams alive until then! ha-ha! This weekend I will jump back into it and see if I can really downsize my wardrobe like I need to. Fingers crossed!

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Instagram & Facebook!

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (You can listen straight from the web, too!)

Donate to this blog here: https://ift.tt/2zKvPnQ

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it!

I also have an Instagram, though I don’t post much, I have been trying to: https://ift.tt/1NpWevR

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

 

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Fierce Fatty: A Book Review

I don’t recall where I had first heard of the book, “Fierce Fatty” by Victoria Welsby, but I believe I saw some special offer to get it at a discount or even free. In any case, I downloaded it to my new kindle recently and finally gave it a read. It didn’t seem at first like something that would make an impact on me. It seemed to be a very fat acceptance 101 sort of book, but when I’m in a groove I can be a voracious reader. And this one I read in about an hour, and I’m not a speed reader by any stretch.

I had subscribed to the author’s newsletter (maybe that was how I got the book?), but found the positivity a bit much for my taste, at least lately. What can I say? I’m a bit of a bitter-Betty these days. Wev! I had finished Nora Ephron’s latest, “I Remember Nothing” (good!) and was not ready to be done reading for the day. I swiped through my “library” and just love the cover of “Fierce Fatty” so much that I jumped right in.

Right away her writing style struck me as very friendly and energetic. I’ve read quite a few fat related/fat authored books and this one was refreshing. The author covers a myriad of topics relating to living in a fat body, including internalized fat phobia and toxic relationships. She really gets into all of it, though not much goes very deep. I like that though.

Having been part of the fat acceptance movement for so long I was not expecting to have things framed in new ways or even a new perspective brought to light, but Victoria Welsby did just that! Things I have known for awhile suddenly were put in such a way that I was like, “Yes! Of course! Yes!” aloud on my lil’ patio. She also references and recommends other fat books that I already know and love.

I feel that this is the type of book I would give to someone new to the movement, or even just dipping their toes in, ya know? Someone who has their eyes open to what has been shoved down our throats by the media and society itself, but maybe not quite ready for all of my radicalized fat talk. (Ha!) This book could really point them in the right direction to finding their own path to loving oneself and carving out the life they really want (versus what we’re all told we should do/have/want). This book would be great for teens, I feel, too. I might even send it to my niece!

One of the biggest takeaways for me was an ah-ha moment when she starts talking about patterns, habits, and creating new neural pathways. It’s not that I didn’t know this is a thing, in fact I’ve read a lot on the subject. It is how she framed it and explained it in such an easy, and more importantly, approachable and understandable way! She uses common sense and just things we already accept as fact to show that you already know the weigh cycling industry is bullshit along with every “diet” and “lifestyle change” slung at us everyday.

I would say that if you’ve been in this movement for any length of time that you likely won’t find any really new or exciting information in the book, but it may be a helpful refresher in understanding where people are coming from when first arriving at the welcome mat of the fat acceptance movement. (Is there a welcome mat? Would it be more like the two door knockers in Labyrinth? Ha-ha!) It is an enjoyable read, regardless.

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Instagram & Facebook!

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (You can listen straight from the web, too!)

Donate to this blog here: https://ift.tt/2zKvPnQ

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it!

I also have an Instagram, though I don’t post much, I have been trying to: https://ift.tt/1NpWevR

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

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Time to Flip the Script!

Picking up on behavioral patterns is a classic symptom of PTSD-C/Trauma/Abuse survivors. We do this in order to survive. If you’re in a domestic abuse situation, as I was, picking up on things early, even subtle changes, meant less violence directed at me later. 24 years after I escaped that horrific experience (5 years in a near-hostage-type situation), it has taken on a different meaning for me lately. It can be a blessing, for sure, but right now it feels so much less so.

The last couple of years have felt like we’re all stuck on repeat. Some of you will remember the distinct sound of when a vinyl record gets stuck in a groove…THAT! UGH! I hate this feeling, and it isn’t going away. It almost feels worse the more time I spend either online or at work. What I mean by that is that those two instances is where I feel and see it the strongest and the most. It just seems like people behave in the most predictable ways in those settings. To the extent that it feels scripted.

Actually, my dating life has often felt scripted, too. Every message, every date, with two exceptions as far as predictability. A friend pressed me on this subject last year and even argued it isn’t possible. I offered to show them on every app, every message I’d ever received and I think it gave them pause. They dropped the subject. Ha-ha! It is true more often than not. It’s as though we think we have to say and do these things. Say this for that result. Do this for that result. Maybe in dating that is more true, but I still fucking hate it. I want independent thinkers in my life, thank you.

At work it’s well work, right? What am I expecting?! Well, I have worked in a lot of places in a variety of industries. They’re all different, but they all have similarities. Office environments being what they are, you get the same lines all day working at the front desk. “How’s it going?” “It’s going!” “Living the dream!” “Mondays, am I right?!” “How was your weekend?” “When’s lunch?” “Is it 5 yet?” (do not get me started on the candy dish talk…ugh!) which is all fine and good, it’s the other stuff in between that feels so fake and rote.

After every mass shooting, the groove deepens, because that needle is never getting out of it. The internet goes back to square one. Every post, every meme, every group, every blog, everything is all the same, ad nauseam! I’m sick of it! Why do we keep pretending to be surprised or shocked or appalled or sad at all? You cannot have enough thoughts and prayers for every victim and every victim’s family…you just can’t! It doesn’t help, and it almost feels like it makes thin`gs worse for ourselves with this approach. We feel the hurt get heavier with each new headline. We carry it with us. Rinse. Repeat.

Why do we keep doing the exact same things over and over again and expecting things to magically change?!?! If I can stop fucking dieting and all of the absolute madness that goes along with it, I know we can do better as a species overall. We have so much more power than we realize. They groom us from birth to obey and fall in line, but we don’t fucking have to! Change doesn’t happen through complicity! Change comes from arming yourself with knowledge and doing the same for others, then uniting and rising up to demand change.

All of this is to say that I have this unique skill, to spot behavioral patterns, but it’s not like I get to wield it in any sort of fun way. And right now it’s making me fucking sick! To see post after post and every human interaction feel like I’m stuck in a fucking simulator?! UGH! It literally turns my stomach. No thank you! Gimme my “tasty wheats” and let me get back to fucking things up for the capitalists! Ha-ha!

And now for the part most won’t agree with (if you live in the USA that is):
If we’re sick of the killing, turn in the weapons. That’s it. If everyone did it, wouldn’t it be a lot easier for police to get the “bad guys”? (Yes, this completely ignores the fact that ACAB, the police are more often than not white supremacists themselves and participating in this shit on-duty and off.) There is no law that you must own a weapon. No requirement to own a gun! You can be pro gun, you can enjoy using guns, doesn’t mean you must own one.

Be the change and all that! Make a grand fucking gesture out of it if you must, but just do it. Put your words into action, and let that action be an example to others! Push your representatives to make changes in the laws themselves. They represent you and right now they are only offering thoughts and fucking prayers over this shit as they go right back to being funded by a lot of the same people causing these issues to begin with.

We must be fierce in the face of racist aggression and white supremacists. We must stand up for the marginalized and oppressed. We must fight fascism every chance we get! We cannot give them a chance, an inch, or a moment! We must act now! We know what happens when we don’t, because we’re living it right fucking now! Because every problem you see in this world, right now, can be traced back to greedy white supremacist men, they just haven’t worn the hoods in awhile. We outnumber them and they should be very fucking afraid of the moment we realize this and actually do something about it.

Thanks for reading. I really don’t care what anyone thinks at this point. I just needed to get this shit off my chest.

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