Pages

Friday, 12 November 2021

The Beginning and The End

I’m okay. Friends keep checking on me, but I really am okay. I’m mostly just processing and trying to figure some shit out, ya know? Losing my babyman so suddenly really flipped my world upside down. Next thing you know I’m going on a couple of dates with someone, on the second they asked to be exclusive, I was into it. It felt nice to be noticed and admired. It was fantastic to meet someone who wanted to participate in lengthy conversation without aim. The third date was my birthday and I was a bit nervous. Seems a tall order to plan an entire day for someone who doesn’t know you very well and on their birthday?! Yikes! I don’t think I would have been so bold. In the end, it was a truly fantastic day! A whirlwind, I dare say!


They picked me up at 11 am and we headed to breakfast at a cute little cafe. Then to a private karaoke room in this games/activities type place where they gave me a card that exclaimed their love followed by serenading me with an original birthday song just for me! We both sang songs but it was obvious they were trying to impress while I was simply trying to go with the flow and enjoy the ride. Next we played a couple rounds of billiards, but it was too hot to comfortably play while wearing face masks. So we ditched and while he offered to take me axe throwing, I was too worried about injuring myself and so mini golf was the compromise. It was a blast, too! There was hardly anyone there so we got to take our time and just be silly about the whole thing. Then we had Thai food at this little hole in the wall nearby, it was delicious! 


When the dessert shop they had planned on taking me to was closed early, it seemed their plans had sort of fizzled out. I very much did not want the day to end so I invited them back to my place. We had been flirting all day and they were so thoughtful and sweet and I wanted to be more intimate with them. So back to my place we went, I had panic-cleaned the night before so I wasn’t too stressed about my usual mess. We sat and talked and laughed and made out and it was all super fun. When I asked if they wanted to move to the bedroom, their enthusiasm was exactly what was called for. Ha-ha! And it was all super great, like truly, a wonderful time was had by all. 


Things got a little weird shortly after that though. Like, they never expressly asked or were invited to spend the night. They already had a bag packed in their car for the occasion. I poked fun, but I was a little put off by it. They said they didn’t have work the next day but their schedule changed a lot so I didn’t think much of it. Even with all of the activities and excitement of the day, I couldn’t sleep! I hadn’t had someone in my bed at all, let alone to spend the night, in years! I just rolled with it. The next day we made out tons more and had a lot more sex. Super fun! Then I took them to my favorite hidden gem in the bay area, near where I grew up, The Pulgas Water Temple. It was a gorgeous day as we ate our sandwiches in the shade of an old tree. A couple was getting their wedding photos taken there with their dogs, it was super cute. We headed back to my place, without a plan. And next thing you know, that third date lasted three days.


It’s nuts! We kept saying so, too, the entire time. But emotions were high, certainly getting laid helped with that and it was all such a lovely distraction. But after three days and two nights with no sleep, this introvert needed some alone time. They were super cool about it, but then got too stoned to leave at a reasonable hour, which left me very cranky. They came back the next morning and I was starting to feel that while I liked this person a lot, they probably weren’t as good a match for me as I originally thought. I felt more critical of them suddenly and I didn’t like that feeling within myself at all. I told them we couldn’t do back to back overnights anymore, I needed to sleep and my restless leg syndrome was out of control as a result. They said they understood, wanted to respect my boundaries, all seemed well. 


There were no more plans or adventures. It was just us sitting on my couch in my apartment talking or watching netflix, random makeouts, and seemingly rote sex after that. The excitement of the partnership had passed for me. They were still very much feeling it but the next day I had it and exclaimed, “No more over nights ever!” I needed sleep, I needed alone time, I needed to do my fucking nails and couldn’t when they were there. Within a week’s time I went from not being able to keep my hands off of them to not even wanting to see them. It was odd. But then, they took the entire week off of work without even mentioning it to me once.


The next week we went back to work and reality hit me kind of hard. Things at work have actually been really great so that wasn’t the issue at all. I am still very much grieving and hard! That week was a nice distraction, but I wasn’t feeling anything but sadness. I found being home alone each night to be a greater joy and comfort than I could have expected. When they came over the following Saturday, I was all dolled up and looking drop dead sexy! I was feeling myself and was hoping they would be feeling me too. Ha! Only when we kissed hello I felt absolutely nothing. They didn’t comment on my outfit or how hot or gorgeous I looked…at all! I didn’t think about that part until the next day and then it was just like whatever. They brought over food they had cooked at home but I didn’t have as much of an appetite as they did. When we kissed for a bit they could tell something was different with me and I did my best to explain but I think they took it more as I wasn’t in the mood for sex and not that I was actually not feeling the partnership any longer. 


As this past week has progressed, they reached out but I explained that my period was wrecking me and I was simply in too much pain and exhausted to do anything. We haven’t talked or text at all in more than a couple of days now. I feel a little bad about it, but I haven’t misled them in any way. I caught up with a couple of friends this week and had some realizations. First, the people who know you best actually do know what is good for you and serving you and what is not. My nearest and dearest were like, “They are not the one!” and “This sounds very familiar, remember when…” and suddenly it hit me. This was all a repeated pattern that I had literally taken a year plus off dating to recover and reset and get away from. 

The more I chatted with my beloveds, the more I realized how I get caught up in other people’s feelings. How easy it is to get swept up when someone is doing and saying “all the right things at exactly the right time (but they mean nothing to you and you don’t know why”) and showering you with affection when you’ve been starved for any attention and affection for so long. UGH! I couldn’t see this for myself until my friends were like, “Uhh…this isn’t right.” I needed that reality check and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I know it’s not easy to tell someone that they are not on their right path. It helped me realize that I need to end this. I cannot properly grieve, heal, and grow if I am distracted and not even fully invested in a situationship. I cannot fully participate in a relationship in the way that I would normally want or need to when I am still so deep in my grief. I am not my usual fantastic self and thus have no business trying to be in a relationship with anyone for awhile. 


Ending things is not easy nor fun to do. I always want to be kind. The other party doesn’t always allow you to be kind in those moments though. I think they will understand, but another pattern I worry about repeating is them bargaining for a compromise that will serve neither of us in the end and only postpone the inevitable severance. No, I can’t do that again. So, they are coming over tomorrow morning and I will have this talk with them. They have been so compassionate and respectful and I think they will absolutely understand, but I know that they are a sensitive and gentle soul and this will be hard to hear for them. I anguish over these things, even though I know it’s the right thing to do.


I definitely need to take a big ole step back and rethink what it is I want out of dating before I dip my toe back into those icy waters again. I’m not even sure that I want to be monogamous anymore. I’m not sure that a traditional style partnership is for me. I may need to sleep alone forever and that is fine. I need my sleep, dammit! But having someone in my personal space, my fortress of solitude if you will, was just too much too soon and while I don’t have any regrets, it’s just not a good fit for me. 


Have you gotten caught up in something that wasn’t right for you? Have you had to end something that was moving too quickly? Do you get swept up in other people’s feelings? I know I do! I just gotta figure out how to stop! Ha-ha!

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (We only recorded a few episodes but they were good!)

Donate to this blog here: https://ift.tt/2zKvPnQ currently donations will be given directly to Black women in need through my network.

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated frequently and not just about fat stuff): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same shared content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it! I’m also on Space Hey: NotBlueAtAll

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.) notblueatall@notblueatall.com



via I'm Not Blue at All https://ift.tt/3wFZpsg

Tuesday, 9 November 2021

I don’t care about gas prices

The more the news mentions gas prices, the more I realize I’m weird because I don’t. Why?

I used to commute about 15 miles a day to the office. My minivan is modified with a ramp and space for my mobility scooter, but it’s also a plug-in hybrid. On a full charge I get 33 miles (if the trip isn’t all uphill and I use HVAC sparingly). Once I’ve drained that battery, it’s still a hybrid minivan, so I still get 40mpg. In mild weather I could go straight to work and back all-electric.

You know how long a tank of gas can last when you don’t use the gas engine? Months.

Meanwhile the man of the house as an EV. Zero gas. Zero fumes. We have a level 2 charger installed in our garage, using a 220 outlet we had installed. The EV was being charged twice a week because of commuting. Now in the work from home times, it’s rarer. My minivan, having a much smaller battery, gets plugged in after each trip.

Now, of course, I’m often just spending my days at home. Not quite the usual retirement dream, but neither was the global pandemic. Going out as a family the question is usually “Do I need my scooter”? If so, we use the minivan, if not, the EV. I do restaurants with my cane; IKEA trips or Sounders games, though, I want my scooter.

Are you still mostly at home for the pandemic, or back to commuting? How’s that working?

Bonus picture of a Sounders Scarf. Major League Soccer (Football to the rest of the world) has scarves. It’s a Football thing.


via Living ~400lbs https://ift.tt/3D5rj3s

Sunday, 7 November 2021

Non-Stigmatizing Language For Fat People

Image Text:When it comes to what we call people with larger bodies,
we must avoid falling into the trap of creating stigma in our attempts to decrease it. We must utilize descriptors that don’t medicalize, pathologize, or euphemize the body size of
fat people.

I get a lot of questions about the right words to use for fat people in various contexts. Questions like:

Can I call people fat?
Isn’t “ob*se” better since it’s a medical term?
I thought we were supposed to say “person with overw*ight?”
What’s with all the asterisks?

Over on my Weight and Healthcare newsletter I’m breaking down some common terms that are used to describe those with larger bodies to discuss what increases stigma, and what decreases it.

You can read the full piece here!

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3wm3jXc

Monday, 1 November 2021

Don’t Bring “Everybody Knows” to an Evidence Fight

Last week I was a guest on The Doctors along with weight-neutral endocrinologist Dr. Gregory Dodell. During the second half of the show, I was involved in a discussion with Dr. Melina Jampolis about the research supporting the weight loss paradigm, vs the research supporting the weight neutral health paradigm.

At one point during the course of the conversation I had listed several studies and their findings to support my case that the research shows that intentional weight loss fails the vast majority of the time (which Dr. Jampolis agreed with,) as well as studies that show greater efficacy of weight-neutral healthcare approaches than weight-loss approaches. (You can see a list of research at www.haeshealthsheets.com/resources)

In response Dr. Jampolis said “I’m sure that I could find 15 different studies that would counteract what you said.” Now, she didn’t name any studies at all but she sounded very confident. I wanted to interrupt but I didn’t want to appear rude, so I simply shook my head. I don’t believe that Dr. Jampolis wants to harm fat people, but I believe that she is, and this kind of misunderstanding is at the root of it.

There are many things that I could have done differently and/or better during my appearance (a post about that is probably coming up!) But the thing I regret the most is not interrupting her at this moment and saying what I wanted to say.

You can read the full piece on my new newsletter Weight and Healthcare on Substack!

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3CJLoMA

Sunday, 31 October 2021

Eating While Fat in Public

Recently I was one of four fat women who were interviewed for an article about the issues that weight stigma creates around eating in public while fat, and how we overcame them.

You can read the full article here. We did this interview by email, and of course it’s normal for articles to use partial quotes and so here, for posterity, are my full answers to the interview:

When did you first notice that there was a certain level of attention placed on you when eating in public?

As I moved from high school to college I became deeply involved in diet culture and I began to notice that people would compliment me on eating the “right” foods (salad, no dressing, skipping dessert etc.) such that, even if they didn’t say anything when I ate “wrong” things, I felt that disapproval was implied.

How did that initially make you feel?

At the time I was still so deeply invested in diet culture and anti-fatness that it felt like a validation of my choices of using eating as a way to try to manipulate my body size. As I’ve learned more about the insidious nature of diet culture the inherent hypocrisy, double standards, and harm of the practice have come into much sharper relief, but I didn’t see it at the time.

Has there ever been an incident where someone said or did something to you while eating at a restaurant

I was eating at a restaurant with three friends, all thin. A man who was being led to his table by a hostess stopped dead in front of my table, looked at my plate, looked at me, then pointed to the plate and said “this is why you’re fat.” While this would be wildly inappropriate regardless, and it’s not the first time that it had happened to me, but it was interesting to note that in this case all four of us were eating the exact same thing, as it was a specialty of the restaurant. It made it crystal clear that this was not about health, or logic, but rather about engaging in fatphobia.

How did these experiences as a result of weight stigma, diet culture and fatphobia affect your mental health?

When I was still entrenched in diet culture and had become hyper aware of the ways that my eating choices were linked to my body size and concepts of my health and even morality, I would often find the process of eating in public really stressful. This was compounded by the fact that I was very physically active and the performative eating the was demanded of me in order to avoid scrutiny or disapproval was not in line with the nutrition my body required to engage in the activities I loved. My relationship with food eventually devolved into a full blown eating disorder.

Over the years, how has that changed?

I recovered from my eating disorder, but was still considered “too heavy” and I was urged by doctors to lose weight to be healthy. I was lucky to avoid a full relapse, but spent years weight cycling (aka yo-yo dieting.) My education background was in research methods and statistics and so I decided to do my own literature review to find the diet that worked the best. That was when I learned that there wasn’t a single study where more than a tiny fraction of people were able to maintain significant weight loss, and that the yo-yo dieting that I had been experience was the expected biological response and not a personal failure. As I extricated myself from diet culture I began to see the ways that weight stigma had been impacting my relationship with food in unhealthy ways, as well as the fatphobia-driven hypocrisy that existed – for example in television shows where a thin woman eating tons of food was celebrated as being a “cool chick” and “wife material,” when a fat woman eating even half as much would be ridiculed as “not prioritizing her health” and “un-dateable”

If this no longer affects you the way it used to, what helped you to overcome it?

I fixed my relationship with food and eating in public by first acknowledged that weight stigma is real and that it does real harm to me. It’s not in my head, and it’s not something that I can solve through loving my body, it’s a process of systemic oppression. Understanding that, I realized that until it was possible to end fatphobia, my choices were to continue to fight my body on behalf of weight stigma, or to start fighting weight stigma on behalf of my body. I chose the latter. That includes refusing to eat performatively or to engage with or care about other people’s unsolicited opinions about my food choices or body. It also includes setting boundaries around what is and is not open for discussion, people are allowed to thin whatever they want about what I eat, but they are responsible for keeping those thoughts to themselves if they want to spend time with me, especially where food is involved.

Despite changing attitudes and the rise of the body positivity movement, do you feel that eating in public is still an issue that many battle with but is rarely discussed?

I do think that it is a serious issue. Weight stigma and diet culture often convince fat people that we deserve to be treated poorly and that, at the very least, we owe explanations and justifications for our body size, food choices, and health to anyone who thinks they deserve them. Conversely, it gives those who wish to judge and comment on fat people’s choices and bodies the mistaken belief that it is their purview to do so. In this way fat bodies are seen as open for public discourse, which definitely makes eating in public fraught.

What were your thoughts on Tess Holiday’s comments and the way media and society as a whole treats larger women who eat in public?

I think that Tess was spot on about the harmful nature of these photos. They reinforce the idea that fat people should never be safe from being monitored and judged for their food intake. The fact that someone eating at Disney World (an activity that Disney World advocates relentlessly through their own marketing) is considered newsworthy is just another example of the ways in which the media will exploit weight stigma and harm fat people for attention and profit.

What advice would you give to plus-size women who struggle with eating in public?

First acknowledge that the problem here is not your body, it is fatphobia. Affirm to yourself that, while this is becoming your problem, it is absolutely not your fault. Understanding that this shouldn’t be happening, and that you shouldn’t have to deal with this, you then get to make choices based on your goals in any given situation. Those goals may change based on who you are with eating with and if there is a power imbalance (ie: eating with your boss vs eating with a friend,) how you feel on any given day, and a multitude of other factors. You can choose to eat based on what seems the most delicious to you, based on a desire to avoid judgement from the people who are with you, or for any other goals or reasons. If you do face judgment you can react in whatever way makes the most sense for your circumstances, from ignoring it, to changing the subject, to setting a boundary, or confronting the person whose behavior is inappropriate. Activism is an option, but not an obligation – you can choose to react in whatever way centers your personal needs and goals in any given situation.

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3EwgqaZ

Tuesday, 26 October 2021

Novo Nordisk – Harming Fat People For Money And Calling It Advocacy

Reader Alison let me know about a new campaign that Novo Nordisk has launched to sell their new “weight loss” drug, that is part of the long-game of those in the weight loss industry to expand their market by pathologizing living in a fat body. I was even more upset to see that The Mighty was a partner, since they should absolutely know better. Having written for them before I reached out to my editor and received an explanation, an apology for their mistake in promoting it, and an offer to write a paid piece on their site critical of the program and their involvement.

You can read that piece here.

Here is a preview:

A new campaign called “It’s Bigger Than Me” has launched worldwide. The campaign purports to be about “destigmatizing ob*sity” but is, in fact, funded by Novo Nordisk as part of what they have promised will be “one of the fastest Novo Nordisk launches after approval ever” of their new weight loss drug Wegovy. Per their Chief Financial Officer, Karsten Knudsen, they hope to more than double their “ob*sity sales” by 2025 versus their 2019 baseline. 

Novo Nordisk has explained to the press that one of the barriers to this massive profit play is insurance coverage (including Medicare, Medicaid, and the ACA), and so they are using campaigns like this to try to turn fat people, desperate to escape the weight stigma that the diet industry perpetuates, into an unpaid marketing force to do their dirty work for them.  

At the time of writing this article, partners in this effort include the Obesity Action Coalition, the Media Empathy Foundation, and The Mighty.

This part of their massive, profit-driven rollout is the kind of wolf in sheep’s clothing campaign that the “Obesity Action Coalition” was purpose-built to launch and run. The OAC bills itself as an advocacy group for fat people but is, in fact, fully funded by (and operates as a lobbying arm of) powerful pharmaceutical interests that seek to sell progressively more dangerous and expensive weight loss treatments. As you can see on their website, their “Chairman’s Council” (aka group of funders) is made up of weight loss drug and surgery companies, with Novo Nordisk at the top, as their sole “Platinum” member with a minimum funding commitment of $100,000.

The Media Empathy Foundation appears to be a legitimate organization with the noble and critical goal of destigmatizing illness. They should, but apparently don’t, understand the difference between their actual mission and this co-option of anti-stigma language for money. So instead of undoing harm they are perpetuating it. They are responsible for the harm that they are causing here and they should address it and do whatever they can to repair that harm.

As for The Mighty, it was heartbreaking to see their logo on the site as a named partner. In response to my pitch, editorial director Ben Berkley shared with me that The Mighty has a business relationship with Novo Nordisk and through that affiliation, the editorial team supported the initial launch of the “It’s Bigger Than Me” campaign with a social media post. (Editor note: The Mighty was not paid to promote the “It’s Bigger Than Me” campaign.) Berkley said the editorial team looks to fulfill these partner requests as a way of navigating the balance between editorial independence and the funding The Mighty receives through pharmaceutical sponsorships, which allow The Mighty to continue operating. At the time, Berkley told me he was “foolishly unaware” of the harmful nature of the campaign and, while he shared that he didn’t know if The Mighty’s larger business relationship with Novo Nordisk would continue, he assured me The Mighty’s editorial team would no longer be promoting or supporting the campaign. He promised to invite this article’s submission (and others like it) that are critical of the “It’s Bigger Than Me” campaign, wanting to stand “as a force for good in combating fatphobia and any other instance of body biases.”

I appreciate the candid response and the opportunity to use The Mighty’s platform to speak out about the harm that is being done, and I hope to see them publicly withdrawal their support from the project, acknowledge the harm and actively work to repair it, including insisting that their logo and information be removed from the campaign page.  

The weight loss industry has been working hard to co-opt the idea of ending weight stigma and transform it into a marketing tool, and they have deep pockets to hire the best people to do it, so it can be difficult to tell what’s going on. Here are some of the ways you can tell this campaign is about weight loss propaganda and not about ending weight stigma or supporting fat liberation: 

Read the rest of the article here.

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/2ZuMVaL

Tuesday, 19 October 2021

Fatshion: Afternoon in the Park

Hi friends! How are you enjoying your autumn? Honestly, it’s my favorite time of year, especially in Southern California. These fatshion photos were taken in the summer though. I visited the...

Read more here!

via Skinned Knees https://ift.tt/2Z6kOhH

Train Happy – Fighting Fatphobia in Fitness

I recently got the chance to be a guest on Tally Rye’s  Train Happy Podcast

Tally was incredible despite some technical difficulties (including an unexpected power outage on my end!) and we talked about dealing with fatphobia in fitness and beyond, and the options for fighting back.

You can listen here!

I’m also teaching a workshop for fitness pros about creating inclusive fitness spaces on October 30th. You can even get continuing education credits for it!

The event (which has four workshops) starts at 10:45 Eastern, my workshop starts at 1pm Eastern. You can attend live and/or watch the video. You can get one continuing education credit per hour you attend.

Sign up here!

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3aPek9g

Saturday, 16 October 2021

Dealing with Pushback When Setting Boundaries Around Fatphobia

Image Text: When I say “It is not ok to talk about my weight or food, if it continues I will leave," I’m not trying to control what people think, I am stating clearly what behavior I will and will not tolerate, and what I will do if they continue behavior I find intolerable.
Image Text: When I say “It is not ok to talk about my weight or food, if it continues I will leave,”
I’m not trying to control what people think, I am stating clearly what behavior I will and will not tolerate, and what I will do if they continue behavior I find intolerable.

Sometimes people worry that if they set a boundary, like saying “It’s not ok to body shame me or I will leave” that other people will think that they “can’t handle the truth” and are “trying to control what I think.”

People may well think or say those things.  If there’s anything that I’ve learned from my trolls, it’s that people will go to any length to justify their prejudice to themselves and anyone who will listen.  We cannot control what people think of us, nor can we control their behavior.  For me in these situations, I’m less concerned with what people think, and more concerned about how they treat me in my presence.

So when I say “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about it I’m going to leave.”  I’m not trying to control what people think – they can think whatever the hell they want, I am stating clearly what behavior I will and will not tolerate, and what I will do if they continue behavior I find intolerable.

If they continue discussing my weight or eating and I leave, it’s not to control what they think – it’s to remove myself from a situation, to keep myself safe and well, and to make it clear that I’m serious about my boundaries.

People who want to ignore and break our boundaries will use all kinds of tactics, including suggesting that we are trying to control them, that we are creating the problem etc. We don’t have to fall for that.

If people want to spend time with me they have to treat me a certain way, which includes not body shaming or food policing me. So while they are allowed to think whatever they want about me, my body, and my food choices, they are, at the very least, 100% responsible for keeping those thoughts to themselves if they want to talk to me.

It’s not that I “can’t handle” what they think is the truth, it’s that I don’t have to, and so I won’t.

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3FTmP1l

Wednesday, 13 October 2021

A Big Big Love

The face of a pug will always elicit a response, no matter its current configuration. Its eyes are ever seeking, ever wanting. To have and to hold and to love a pug of one’s own is a gift from the universe that is truly unmatched. There is no greater love or sense of belonging that could compare. When nothing in this world makes sense, to look into the sweet face of a pug, you realize that all of the answers are right there. To love. To connect. To be silly. To take pleasure in the smallest acts of life. To rest. There is nothing else but this very moment. If you try to hold on for too long it will all surely slip away. 


When out in public with a pug, strangers will stop and stare in delight. They will gasp and sigh, they will squeal and whisper. To glimpse a pug “in the wild” (not the actual wild, they are not the most rugged of creatures) is to get a secret peek at absolute joy embodied. If they notice you in return they will most certainly tilt their head in order to hear you better. Their eyes will widen in preparation to make a new friend. They may even approach as if to say hey I see you too what’s up new friend. 


To share your life with a pug is to never feel alone, no matter how long it has been since you’ve seen another human. You will never be without someone to talk to, sing to, dance with, snuggle with, and always always share a meal with. You will have your very own personal security detail for every late night trip to the bathroom or morning shower. If you are feeling down they will cheer you up, it’s like they can’t even help it. Their mere existence is just love and joy in a soft little body. When ill, you feel the warm weight of their body pressed against you. I’m certain it shortens the healing time of nearly any ailment.   


My beloved puggo, my shadow, my sidekick, my baby, my entire heart, passed away in the ICU on October 8, 2021. We spent twelve years together, growing and learning as we went along. He became very ill, very quickly and while he seemed to be recovering and doing well for a couple of weeks, things took a very sudden turn that his little body just couldn’t handle. Science did all it could to save him. Love did all it could to keep him. No amount of money or tears could make him feel better and finally he just stopped breathing. I was in the shower when the doctor called, I jumped out and grabbed the call, dripping water everywhere. I was on the phone with the doctor when it happened. 
No heart break has ever felt like this. No loss has ever felt like this. I am grateful that he is no longer suffering. His physical absence is unbearable. My every thought and consideration, both mental and physical, was always him. When I was out of work and dealing with the return of some terrible CPTSD symptoms and terrified of the world, he was the for me. When I had a panic attack at my ex husband’s wedding reception, my puggo calmed me down when I got home. He always knew just what I needed. If I cried he would get me to laugh by making silly sounds and flopping around on the bed. 


I have to learn how to be a human again. When my stomach gurgles I look for my sweet boy, thinking it is him. When I drop a crumb on the floor I expect to hear his paws fast approaching. I can’t bring myself to go into my backyard. I only have it for him. The worst is when I come home from work each day. He used to do a big stretch and then squeak at me and I would pretend that he was telling me about his day and respond, “Oh yeah, and then what happened?” and then walk between my feet as I scratched his back and little butt. “My baby butt!” I would say as he would quickly turn around and do the whole thing again. Now I just come home and cry.


My whole life revolved around him. Now he’s gone and I’m not sure what’s left. I’m still me but I feel like my soul is gone. I’m glad I have work, though I did take two days off, because it is a good distraction from my shattered state. Sure, it’s always there just beneath the surface, but I can cover pretty decently at work and no one’s the wiser for it. And I have a big project starting that I’ve been excited about for some time. It is in the small moments, when there’s no pretense, just mundane life things like filling the Brita pitcher or turning over in bed, that it dawns on me that he’s gone again and again. There was no greater joy in my life than coming home to that little muffin.


I cannot imagine loving anyone or anything as much as I loved him. He drove me crazy sometimes and somehow knew how to get into just the right amount of mischief. He was my reason for getting out of bed and for going to bed at a decent hour. He kept us both on a tight schedule. He didn’t get the concept of daylight savings time so I just tried to keep things as consistent as possible, regardless of what the clock said. He would never let me forget dinner time, that was always precise!


He was no big adventurer, though he had been to Gorn Rock and stayed in a Wig Wam in SoCal. I called him a shade seeking missile, he just understood what mattered in life. When he was done with something he made it clear and there was no convincing him otherwise. I appreciated that in him even when we butted heads. We had our routines down pat and had our own flow of doing things together at home. He hated baths but would always just go along with what I asked of him. I would always take those opportunities as an excuse to hold him, he wasn’t a fan, but he knew I loved it so would allow it. I would hold him up to the bathroom mirror and tell him how handsome he was.


Having the bed all to myself is confusing and torturous. I haven’t had a bed to myself since the 90’s. Well, there was that one year when my ex husband and I first split up but he was only a couple of blocks away and I saw him several times a week. No one in the world was ever as happy to see me ever than my puggo. Not family, not friends or lovers, no this tiny pug person was always SO excited to see me! I mean, he liked everybody, but I was always just as excited to see him too. 


No matter what’s going on in your life or the world, you just cannot help but get excited when beholding the face of a pug. 

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (We only recorded a few episodes but they were good!)

Donate to this blog here: https://ift.tt/2zKvPnQ currently donations will be given directly to Black women in need through my network.

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated frequently and not just about fat stuff): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it! I’m also on Space Hey “NotBlueAtAll”

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.) notblueatall@notblueatall.com



via I'm Not Blue at All https://ift.tt/3lLaTqN

Breaking Body Biases in Fitness

I had the chance to be interviewed by and chat with Christine DeFilippis for her Breaking Body Biases podcast. Christine is an anti-diet fitness entrepreneur, and so our discussion centered around dismantling fatphobia and toxic fitness culture. As always, a reminder that nobody is obligated to participate in fitness, and participation does make people better than others (I’ve done both and can tell you for sure that completing a marathon and watching a Netflix marathon are morally equivalent activities.) So, again, nobody is obligated to participate, but everybody should be welcome!

You can listen to the podcast here!

If you want to learn more about weight inclusive fitness (and/or want to earn continuing education credits!) I’m teaching a class on creating inclusive fitness spaces on October 30th at 10am Pacific as part of Lawrence Biscontini’s StayVention series! (Note – I cannot guarantee that the other presenters will come from a full fat-affirming perspective, but I certainly will!)

You can see the details here.

And you can sign up here!

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3ACCMFF

Thursday, 7 October 2021

What’s All This About Fat Being A “Chronic Lifelong Health Condition?”

I got a question emailed today from reader Renee. “I’ve been seeing articles that say that being fat is considered a “chronic lifelong condition.” Can you explain what’s going on to me?

I’m happy to try! The word is getting out that intentional weight loss doesn’t work to make fat people thinner or healthier, and that almost everyone gains their weight back long-term. That’s not great news for the diet industry, including companies who sell “treatments” that are extra dangerous and extra expensive, like drugs and surgery.

So these companies have been pushing a narrative wherein being fat is, in and of itself, a “health condition” regardless of health status (Gary Taubes recently, tragically, showed us how this is done.) . And that it is “chronic and lifelong.” They’ve pushed this narrative though many channels, perhaps the most insidious is through organizations that claim to be “advocacy groups” but are, in fact, fully funded by (and function as lobbying arms of) the drug and surgery companies (looking at you, OAC.)

This narrative provides a lot of benefits to these weight loss peddlers, including:

1. Expanding their market (to literally anyone who is fat)
2. Helping them make a case that health insurance should cover their dangerous and expensive “treatments”
3. Helping the drug companies work around the fact that as soon as people go off the drugs they gain their weight back 4. Allowing drug companies to sell drugs to people for their entire lives

There’s just one itty bitty problem…it doesn’t make any sense. There are people of the same weight who have vastly different health statuses, and there are people of vastly different weights who have the same health statuses. And blaming health conditions on fat bodies rather than on the weight stigma, weight cycling, and healthcare inequalities fat people experience is beyond dubious.

While this concept drives a ton of profit to the weight loss industry, it drives a ton of harm to fat people. There is absolutely no shame in having a chronic lifelong health condition – or health conditions of any kind. There is no shame in getting treatment. This is isn’t that. Pathologizing a body size subjects fat people to “interventions” that drive profit to the weight loss industry while risking our lives and quality of life, all under the guise of “healthcare.”

So if someone tries to tell you that simply existing in a fat body is a “chronic, lifelong health condition,” you might tell them that whatever they’re selling, you’re not buying it.

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) I speak to healthcare, college, corporate, and general audiences about topics including weight science, weight stigma, and the Health at Every Size paradigm. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3uQh5k6

Friday, 1 October 2021

Body Truth – The Truth About Weight Loss

I had the chance to chat with Katelyn Parsons on her Body Truth Podcast. We had a great time and talked about everything from being a fat dancer, to practical tools to set boundaries around educational social conversations!

I was honored to get to be a guest on the podcast. and you can listen to the full episode and read the full transcript here!

UPCOMING ONLINE WORKSHOP:

Dealing With Fatphobia At The Holidays

Between in-person and online family gatherings, work parties, New Years bashes, New Years Resolution, and a ton of diet ads… the holiday season can be a perfect storm of fatphobia. Plus this year all the talk of COVID-related body changes adds another layer of nonsense All that diet culture can really get you down. In this workshop we’ll talk about tips, tricks, and techniques to help us deal and have a happy holiday season on our own terms – whether we celebrate any holidays or not.

Full details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/monthly-online-workshops/
*This workshop is free for DancesWithFat members – login info is on the member page
Become a member here!

Missed one of my monthly workshops? You can still get the video here!

Like This Blog? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org



via Dances With Fat https://ift.tt/3CTyUS6

Thursday, 30 September 2021

Pug Liiiiife!

Oh my sweet lovelies! These last (nearly) four weeks have been absolute torture as my beloved puggo has been incredibly ill. I’ve had him since he was a teeny puglet and he’s nearing his 12th birthday in two months. He’s always been stout and healthy, with only ear infections and a dry eye to worry over. This was something different all together, I won’t get into the gory details, but at a certain point my food obsessed pug stopped eating and I panicked. It took 3 weeks, 4 veterinarians (2 specialists), lots and lots of tests and several thousand dollars (get pet insurance now so you don’t have this happen to you) but my baby is going to be okay. He has a terribly severe case of irritable bowel disease, he’ll likely be on meds to manage it for the rest of his life. Facing this alone has been absolutely terrifying and exhausting. Doing all I could to keep him comfortable while the experts figured out what was going on was absolutely heart wrenching. When he was admitted to the ICU last Thursday as his little system went into shock, I was home just beside myself not knowing what to do without him home with me even for one night. Just two days later he was back to giving me the full pug attitude and trying to get into the garbage can like he used to. Ha!

I came so close to losing him that I am still sort of in shock. What is an appropriate gift for a veterinarian??? I have a few I need to send. The way two vets specifically handled this tricky situation was beyond impressive. I mean, one really went the extra mile to get a specialist involved even though they are all booked through October. I know for a fact that one vet spent over an hour on hold with two different places at least and even worked late to make it happen for us. They were all so kind and patient with me and my questions. I know they deal with such difficult situations only to have to put the animal down, but not my babyman. I had to keep saying that I wasn’t concerned about the money aspect of it, I just wanted him to be okay. I could hear the relief in their voices every time. And while money actually is a major concern and this ordeal has set me back financially (and can I just say fuck credit scores and how they are measured!), I cannot imagine going through this without the small safety net that I do have now. It is an impossible position to be in, but I know I made the right decisions for me and puggo.

I am beyond grateful to all who assisted in his care, my friends and loved ones for their prayers, woo, and moral support. After having just gone through my own health crisis for so many months and to finally be done with it, having this come up for my lil’ guy nearly wrecked me completely. Steroids and antibiotics are amazing medicines, when used properly. I mean, I had to watch my sweet muffin wither away in pain for days on end until we finally got the answers needed to start some kind of treatment. When he had his follow up yesterday the dogtor couldn’t believe how well and how different he looked! I have no doubt that his usual slight chonk-ness helped in his healing and handling of this. 

I am taking the last week of October off work for “vacation”. While I was originally going to take a road trip up north to bask in the magic of the redwoods, now we will simply be home and trying to get as much fucking sleep as possible! I am so sleep deprived I am waking up most days with broken capillaries around my eyes, despite my commitment to my skincare routine. Ha! Seriously, the sleep deprivation is brutal, but worth the temporary craziness to have a better and longer life with my favorite person (my dog is a person, I will fight you). May the rest of this awful year be without upset or loss, because I am not sure how much more I can handle. Hopefully my 18 year old car can hold on another two years while I recover financially. The loan rates right now are terrible! I’m glad I got the small one I did in March or I would have been absolutely screwed.

2022 is shaping up to be exciting in a positive way at least. My employer is moving offices again and it is a project I have been excited to take on for awhile now. This will be my third big office move and the planning and design parts are my favorite! It reminds me that I am capable of so much more than a “front desk” person, as many see me as. I’m an office manager by title, but I wear a few hats and am coming up on four years in my current role, I love it.

Things are changing, and I am ready for all the goodness! Are you?!

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (We only recorded a few episodes but they were good!)

Donate to this blog here: https://ift.tt/2zKvPnQ currently donations will be given directly to Black women in need through my network.

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated frequently and not just about fat stuff): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it! I’m also on Space Hey “NotBlueAtAll”

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.) notblueatall@notblueatall.com



via I'm Not Blue at All https://ift.tt/3ordMhZ