Tuesday, 9 October 2018

We got this when we got us!

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Everything is so heavy right now, dear ones. Things in the world, things in our lives, the fucking patriarchy fucking everything up somehow faster now. I can’t heal that pain for you. I can’t heal it for myself, either. It hurts a lot, like constantly. I don’t have the answers to these things, but I do have some advice for us all to take heed. Hold onto the good ones in your life. Like, literally! Spend time with those you care about, even if it’s just sitting in a room looking at your phones. Seriously. Find the time to do something with the folks you can’t imagine your life without. We don’t know how long any of us have in this realm. Everything is temporary and nothing is certain, except love. Love is certain. Love is what gets us through!

Love bonds and binds us to each other and allows our connections to bring and give strength back. It’s a beautiful cycle! We must nurture these relationships and I know it’s hard. Set reminders, or even put it on your calendar, to text people or to call or email them. Tag them in a lovely photo that made you think of them on your social media. A simple, “Thinking of you!” is often the sweetest and yet most unexpected way to brighten one’s day. Tell them you miss them. Tell them you were thinking about that time in the car when that song came on and you both belted it out at the top of your lungs. These things matter so fucking much! These small and seemingly unsubstantial things can make such a difference for you and the other person. You will feel less alone and afraid in the world, I promise.

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(Text: Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. Anais Nin)

We can’t let the greedy bastards keep us down and this is such a great and free way to keep your head up. I believe in our collective goodness. I’m skeptical and bitter as fuck, but the humans in my life that I am connected to have gotten me through so much worse. You will find the faith we all often feel is lacking in our lives, faith in each other, and ourselves. It’s there, it’s already inside you. You just have to set it free by reaching out to another. That’s it. That is, to me, the purpose of life. To love and to share and to connect. That’s it!
This feeling of the bad guys always winning will wane. We will see brighter days ahead. But as crisp the autumn air begins to nip our cheeks, we must also find warmth and comfort in each other. I feel that I have lost so much this year, mostly friends that have left our realm through illness. Others simply moved away out of necessity or better opportunities. It hurts and I do feel a deep heartache over it, but I keep on keepin’ on because I know those friends are still in my heart and always will be. Technology can feel like too much to bear at times but it can also be the tether that keeps us from drifting too far away from those hearts that can carry us through. We deserve this love, these connections, we all do! Do not fear in the name of feeling silly or awkward or uncomfortable…fuck that! Lean into the awkward and say it out loud and have a laugh at it together, because life is too fucking short and precious to put off that conversation for another day. It won’t be less awkward on that future day, so just get it over with! Thinking about doing something that might be difficult or slightly uncomfortable is way the hell worse than actually doing it and being done with it.
Take care of yourself first and most of all. Sit with whatever feelings you’re feeling and consider what your truest self needs to feel fulfilled. I don’t mean what will help you fit in or be cool or anything of that nature. No. I mean when you look at your life and consider your true inner self, is there anything missing? Does someone or something specific come to mind? Are there immediate obstacles or is it a matter of internal processing that is required? Only you know what matters most to you. I trust that you will seek it out and use your own fulfillment to lift others, too.
I’m going through yet another avalanche of life at the moment and the stress has been really difficult for me to power through. I’m doing all I can, but have some time off planned for my b-day week. I know I need the time away, but I’m not sure how I will manage with my current need to find new housing in the next 90 days. If you know anything about the SF bay area, you know that it is not an affordable place for anyone that isn’t wealthy to live in. I have a good job, but it doesn’t pay enough for a studio apartment, so I am hoping and praying with all my might that some miracle will come through before it’s too late. I deeply fear being forced into a terrible living situation. I am fighting really hard to not let those fears take over. My nearest and dearest have been lovely and supportive and I appreciate them so fucking much! I will get through this. We will get through this. We can be there for each other and find ourselves enjoying brighter days ahead, I just know it. If you have a spare thought or wish or prayer would you send something out into the universe for me? Me and my lil’ puggo appreciate it so very much. And if you feel that you have no one to reach out to or connect with you are very welcome to reach out to me: notblueatall@notblueatall.com I am here and I will listen without judgment or shame.
Rad Fatty Love to ALL,


(The dress is Eshakti, current, and the pic was taken at a going away happy hour for my bff Ash-Cat.)

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