One of the most frequent questions I get during the holidays is about how to deal with people – especially family – who are behaving badly: food policing, fat shaming, diet and weight loss talking and more.
For me the secret is boundaries. I think it’s best to start by deciding what constitutes behavior that you will put up with. If it’s anything other than “anything goes” then I would consider setting some boundaries with consequences that you can follow through with. So, for example “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave and we’ll try this again next year.” and then, if they fail to respect your boundaries, it’s time to invoke the consequences.
I’ve done this, and I’ve heard from a number of people who have done this and the common thread seems to be that we only had to do it one time and then our families started respecting their boundaries. Of course your mileage may vary. I’ve written about dealing with the Family and Friends Food Police and Combating Holiday Weight Shame, but in another danceswithfat annual tradition, today we’re going to do this in song.
I’ve re-written the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” to be an ode to boundary setting.
Note 1: In order for this to work, it helps to pronounce boundaries as a three syllable word (BOUND-ah-rees) I also play with the rhythms within the phrases (I had what felt like 27 semesters of music theory in college, this is what I’m doing with it.) If this is an affront to your sense of poetic license I completely understand, I’ll be back soon with a post sans song.
Note 2: At the bottom you’ll find two amazing renditions of this song by Jeanette DePatie and Nadja. Please also feel free to add your own verses in the comments, and/or post a video with your own rendition and it will become a part of this annual tradition.
And with that I give you:
Oh Boundaries (to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Don’t talk about my weight or food.
Why can’t you see it’s hella rude?
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
You know I love my family
But I will leave if you fat-shame me.
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
My body’s fine, I don’t need your rants
You’re not the boss of my underpants
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Don’t say a word to my fat kid
Or I’ll leave so fast, my tires will skid
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Yes I do “need” that second plate
It’s not your business what I ate
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Quit saying someday I’ll get sick
Last time I checked you were not psychic
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
The holidays are great family time
If you don’t shame, food-police or whine
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.
Two Readers (so far – hint, hint) have taken up the challenge of recording this piece, enjoy!
Jeanette DePatie gave us an amazing opera/jazz rendition:
and Nadja killed it a capella in the middle of the night in her PJs:
Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.
Like this blog? Here’s more cool stuff:
The Bundle Up! Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with bundles that include books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)
Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective. This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)
Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!
Book and Dance Class Sale! I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
via Dances With Fat http://bit.ly/2RhRQG9
