“We forget our true nature (to love and be loved) when it feels like the world was made to oppose us.”
I wrote that on a friend’s FB post last night and it really felt right to me. I was really tired and not even thinking clearly, but maybe I was. He had posted that he had tried for far too long to fight hate with more hate and that it never did help. Now he’s seeing with nearly new eyes that we can love life and love this world and just sort of be in love with everything all at once. It was really beautiful! So before imparting my so-called words of wisdom I instructed him to write it down (the bit about loving life) and to put it somewhere he would look at everyday. He said that he would. And I do believe that we forget to love.
I think it’s far too easy to get caught up in things to see the people in our lives that matter most to us. Sometimes we get so caught up in what was or what we think something or our lives should be that we forget to be fully in the moment and breathe that life into ourselves. Too hippy-witchy-woo? Ha-ha! Yep, I’m all about it! I’m in a weird head space lately, my health once again causing me to re-center and ground myself in the right here and now. I’m grateful for it, though. And I’m okay, just food poisoning this time.
I have started an intention ritual for myself. I mean, I made it up but I am certain it’s not some new radical thing. I just felt a need for it on the new moon and also on all souls day. I have been missing my grandma so much the last few months, it’s almost as if I feel closer to her lately. Which makes sense with this specific day/holiday. I’m not much of a believer in things overall, but I like the idea of those we loved who have passed on being closer to us on this day.
In any case, I started my silly little ritual of just lighting some lovely smelling candles (organic, soy, delightful) and then calming and evening my breathing and then saying aloud or internally what it is I want in my life. My list was something like this…
Health, Love, Friendship, Stability, Fulfillment, Companionship, Sexuality, Identity, Peace
(Loyalty, Honesty, Success)
While I said these things I held a fresh rose bud in my hand and at the end I took three cleansing breaths and singed one of the rose petals on each of my three candles (3 is a thing for me). Then I thought about my intentions again and tried to picture what they might look like in my actual life. Then a moment to pause and breathe and finally extinguishing the flames of each candle with gratitude. Another moment of reflection in darkness, followed by a sip of cool water. I know, this isn’t anything formal or based in anything but my own whimsy, but I enjoyed it and isn’t that what matters most?! On all sounds day evening I first wrote out all of this in red ink with my new calligraphy pen. Something about it felt even more intentional somehow, but again, even I’m not taking all of this too seriously.
I do think it’s important to set aside time for self reflection and to consider one’s intentions about their life. I don’t think my puggyman quite understood what the heck I was doing, but I’m sure he feels that way about most of what I do at home. Ha-ha! When I thought/said to myself “Companionship” I did put my hand on his little puggo body. Just wanting him to feel my love and gratitude for his existence. He may not be the most polite bedmate I’ve ever had, but he’s the best one!
Maybe it’s turning thirty-nine, maybe it’s the season, but I have been thinking deeply on what it really means to die or to live. What does success mean to me on a personal level? I have always bristled at that word (only slightly less so than at the word win/winning *barfs*). I have also had to check my impatience with myself and others, not that I’m one to bite anyone’s head off (usually hahaha) but I have found my tolerance of certain things to be waning (rudeness, selfishness, bigotry, ignorance, etc).
So much has happened since my last post, too! I sang, publicly, in a show! My friends treated me to tea (the fancy kind)! I had a birthday and celebrated Halloween at work in the same week! So much I still want to share with you here, but it will have to wait for now.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope to post more, soon.
Rad Fatty Love,
<3
S
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